So I have been in NZ for almost a month now. Yes, a month since I have seen my baby and that realisation took a real toll on my mental state this evening. With the cold biting my fingers and nose, it made it even worst.
A call home resulted fruitless as both my husband and son were "out" on a walk. Since when did they go for walks? Walks without me? Jealousy is a good descriptive word but does not really hit the nail in what I am trying to explain. I want to be at home.
I am growing sick of all the layers of clothing. I am getting tired of my runny and frozen nose. I cannot stand how impersonal it all seems! I am very much a people person and thrive on relationships I have with other people. I love walking down the street and meeting someone I know and having a chat with them.
I long to engulf my son in my arms and give him a hug. The feeling cannot be explained of when you feel him hug you back with as much might as his small body will allow. Its at times like these that I know I am reaping the rewards of being a mother. I miss waking up at night and wondering whether I am drowning only to find my son lying across my chest, his head resting comfortably on my belly. I can just see him with excitement spilling from his face; running as fast as he could to greet me as I come home from work. He jumps into my arms and I shower him with all the kisses I can muster while all he is interested in is what treat I have for him in my handbag.
I took two buses and train today to get to school. Total travelling time approximately 1 hour. I saw hundreds and hundreds of people being it peak time when everyone was making their way to wherever they needed to go. And it was all done in silence. Occassionally you would hear the chatter of school goers at the very rear end of the bus. Or two friends who clearly follow a routine of travelling together each morning. Never would a random person say good morning or offer help as you walk around looking for the sign that says platform V. After going back to the sign further down that says platform V with an arrow - you follow the direction given by the arrow and still - no magical appearance by platform V. You face your dilemma in silence until you get enough balls to ask someone. They help but not after they've looked you up and down to assess whether or not you would run off with their hand bag.
Its at these moments that you long for that heat to engulf you and have you prespire for no good reason at all. To have someone beep their horn and wave frantically from their car window while dodging an idiotic taxi driver slowing down unnecessarily because he spotted a potential passenger. To see a familiar face and have them stop you and ask you how you are. To be offered information just because you looked interested.
I am really beginning to miss home while I certainly and acutely miss my darling son.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
responsibility
So I have been away from my family for 16 days today. I miss them dearly but not terribly. I dont feel a yearning to see them or to hug them. I dont feel that this is a bad thing. I feel that this "time away" was something that was long overdue for my personal well-being. I have a lot of time on my hands so I do a lot of thinking. And I mean A LOT of THINKING. This surely cant be too healthy but it feels good to be able to talk to myself again. To contemplate things in my small head and tune into that sixth sense of getting the feel of things, situations and peolpe. The results are amazing! I am now a true believer of "Trust your instincts!"
This post I have headed responsibility. I guess after listening to Alanis Morisette's Perfect, I got thinking about my childhood. There are stark similarities of my childhood to this song. I guess I was always pushed to do better at school and even now, my parents, father in particular, expects me to do more. He expects me to be more like him. I find it very hard to do this as much as I want to please him and make him proud. I feel as though everyday, its a struggle for me to be me. It sometimes feel as though I am drowning in it all. And so while I am roaming the streets of Wellington taking in the possibilities, the choices, the varieties, the culture, the freedom, I cant help but appreciate my Dad, my Father. Without the shit he put me through, I dont think I could survive in this bigger world. Thanks Dad.
So I didnt really mean to go into all that but where I was going with this post I guess is parenting. Yes, PARENTING. Its a responsibility way bigger than me and just this morning, as I thought about my childhood and its woes, it again dawned on me that being a parent spells huge responsibilities. The person/people your children will become is in a big way, the result or product of your parenting. I know this isnt a new discovery nor is it rocket science. But still, it never fails to amaze me that I am now a parent and every once in a while, I wonder if I am doing a good job.
At the end of the day, I guess it comes down to whether my kid will be an axe murderer or your average, every day, crazy-once-a-while person just like I am!
This post I have headed responsibility. I guess after listening to Alanis Morisette's Perfect, I got thinking about my childhood. There are stark similarities of my childhood to this song. I guess I was always pushed to do better at school and even now, my parents, father in particular, expects me to do more. He expects me to be more like him. I find it very hard to do this as much as I want to please him and make him proud. I feel as though everyday, its a struggle for me to be me. It sometimes feel as though I am drowning in it all. And so while I am roaming the streets of Wellington taking in the possibilities, the choices, the varieties, the culture, the freedom, I cant help but appreciate my Dad, my Father. Without the shit he put me through, I dont think I could survive in this bigger world. Thanks Dad.
So I didnt really mean to go into all that but where I was going with this post I guess is parenting. Yes, PARENTING. Its a responsibility way bigger than me and just this morning, as I thought about my childhood and its woes, it again dawned on me that being a parent spells huge responsibilities. The person/people your children will become is in a big way, the result or product of your parenting. I know this isnt a new discovery nor is it rocket science. But still, it never fails to amaze me that I am now a parent and every once in a while, I wonder if I am doing a good job.
At the end of the day, I guess it comes down to whether my kid will be an axe murderer or your average, every day, crazy-once-a-while person just like I am!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Holiday Home in Samoa
Hey, if anyone is interested in visiting Samoa and wants a clean, spacious and self contained place to stay, drop us an email and we can hook you up.
Email: theresamasoe@gmail.com
or call my Dad on +685 24246 - ask for Toilolo.
Email: theresamasoe@gmail.com
or call my Dad on +685 24246 - ask for Toilolo.
Kiwi Businesswoman Blasts Toilet Man
A trip to a toilet in Apia has upset one New Zealand-based Samoan businesswoman so much; she wants to tell the world about it.
An angry Misa Emma Kesha said she would never forget the day she had an argument with ‘a toilet man.’
“I don’t want people to think that I’m a stirrer but complaints are good because they can help prompt improvement in services,” she told the Samoa Observer.
“I was in town looking around and buying postcards for friends in New Zealand,” she explained. “I always enjoy telling them about my visit home.”
However, she said she felt the urge to go.
“I forgot about the bathrooms at McDonald’s family restaurant, which I could’ve used because they’re much cooler and hassle-free,” she said.
So she ended up at the public toilets behind the Nelson Memorial Library.
“I went in to the toilet and the man in charge who was standing at the door demanded that I give him my handbag,” she explained.
“My handbag contained my passport, bank and visa cards, license and a lot of money.
“He was growling and continued to demand my handbag. I said to him if he was crazy, or if he had a brain.”
But the man insisted.
RUDE
“I couldn’t believe,” she said. “The way he demanded the bag from me was rude. So I told him, I don’t know you from a bar of soap so I don’t trust you.”
But Misa said the man’s retort shocked her.
“He said to me, you are lucky to have a toilet to use,” she recalled.
As a matai, she said the man was disrespectful and downright arrogant.
“He told me it was a policy that all handbags or bags of any kind, are kept outside. But why?
“No one has the right to tell me what to do with my handbag. I have never been treated like this in any country, only in Samoa.”
Misa said she has travelled extensively to countries like India, Singapore and New Caledonia, and has never come across such treatment.
“Is this how tourists are treated?” she asked.
“Is this the kind of attitude our people here show to returning Samoans?
“I think of myself as a tourist and as a Samoan visiting my home but if this is how Samoa is being promoted to the tourism industry, then I don’t know.
“My Tongan friend who was here for the South Pacific Games, when she returned home said “Misa your country is beautiful.”
“But this kind of attitude is ruining it.”
Misa said if the man had asked nicely, she would have understood.
“But was growling and he continued demanding that I give him my bag,” she said.
“There was nothing in that toilet to steal and they even give you sheets of toilet paper so I don’t understand the way I was treated.”
CARETAKER
Asked for a comment, one of the caretakers, Lauatea Masefou said the policy has been in place for years to minimise damage to the facility. Ms Masefou and her husband are employed to look after the facility.
“The policy stops people from damaging the facility,” said Ms Masefou.
”In the past, when me and my husband first became caretakers of the place, we had a lot of problems in restoring the facilities to a clean condition.
“The bathroom has 12 cubicles but when we came in, only four were usable because people had damaged the facility using in appropriate materials and flushing it down the toilet.
“The walls were badly damaged and there were swear words and inappropriate drawings all over the walls.
“We are always careful about who we allow in the bathroom with their bag and we don’t.
“There have been people who refuse to leave their bags outside, so they are allowed inside with them.”
In Misa’s case, she forcefully took her bag inside, she said.
It’s unfortunate for the poor toilet man behind the Nelson Library to get such bad publicity. I say unfortunate because I have always admired both him and his wife and the work that they do. This has got to be the cleanest public toilet I know in Apia. Maybe not by New Zealand standards, but certainly by our local standards.
I read this article with mixed emotions. On the one hand I understand where Ms Kesha is coming from and on the other, I totally know where my toilet man is coming from. I too would not have let go of my handbag (in the rare event that I had money in it!) but if my job was to mind 8 broken toilets and 4 that are functional, I would not give ANYONE the slightest chance to ruin the very few toilets that work.
In saying this, a small but humble advice to Ms Kesha. No, we don’t usually treat tourists like that - with rudeness and what not. Being Samoan you would know that we are friendly people. My toilet man is only human and must have had a bad day. Minding toilets in Samoa where cleaning products are expensive and plumbers are hard to come by, please give him a break. Visit another public toilet and then you will understand where I am coming from. Mr. Toilet Man behind the Nelson Library is doing a wonderful job. He even lives there because he wants to give our public clean toilets. How is that for commitment?
To my toilet man behind the Nelson Library - malo lava le tauatai. E le faigofie lau galuega. You are appreciated and you can take my handbag any day even if you were a bar of soap and I will not be worried because I know where you live!
An angry Misa Emma Kesha said she would never forget the day she had an argument with ‘a toilet man.’
“I don’t want people to think that I’m a stirrer but complaints are good because they can help prompt improvement in services,” she told the Samoa Observer.
“I was in town looking around and buying postcards for friends in New Zealand,” she explained. “I always enjoy telling them about my visit home.”
However, she said she felt the urge to go.
“I forgot about the bathrooms at McDonald’s family restaurant, which I could’ve used because they’re much cooler and hassle-free,” she said.
So she ended up at the public toilets behind the Nelson Memorial Library.
“I went in to the toilet and the man in charge who was standing at the door demanded that I give him my handbag,” she explained.
“My handbag contained my passport, bank and visa cards, license and a lot of money.
“He was growling and continued to demand my handbag. I said to him if he was crazy, or if he had a brain.”
But the man insisted.
RUDE
“I couldn’t believe,” she said. “The way he demanded the bag from me was rude. So I told him, I don’t know you from a bar of soap so I don’t trust you.”
But Misa said the man’s retort shocked her.
“He said to me, you are lucky to have a toilet to use,” she recalled.
As a matai, she said the man was disrespectful and downright arrogant.
“He told me it was a policy that all handbags or bags of any kind, are kept outside. But why?
“No one has the right to tell me what to do with my handbag. I have never been treated like this in any country, only in Samoa.”
Misa said she has travelled extensively to countries like India, Singapore and New Caledonia, and has never come across such treatment.
“Is this how tourists are treated?” she asked.
“Is this the kind of attitude our people here show to returning Samoans?
“I think of myself as a tourist and as a Samoan visiting my home but if this is how Samoa is being promoted to the tourism industry, then I don’t know.
“My Tongan friend who was here for the South Pacific Games, when she returned home said “Misa your country is beautiful.”
“But this kind of attitude is ruining it.”
Misa said if the man had asked nicely, she would have understood.
“But was growling and he continued demanding that I give him my bag,” she said.
“There was nothing in that toilet to steal and they even give you sheets of toilet paper so I don’t understand the way I was treated.”
CARETAKER
Asked for a comment, one of the caretakers, Lauatea Masefou said the policy has been in place for years to minimise damage to the facility. Ms Masefou and her husband are employed to look after the facility.
“The policy stops people from damaging the facility,” said Ms Masefou.
”In the past, when me and my husband first became caretakers of the place, we had a lot of problems in restoring the facilities to a clean condition.
“The bathroom has 12 cubicles but when we came in, only four were usable because people had damaged the facility using in appropriate materials and flushing it down the toilet.
“The walls were badly damaged and there were swear words and inappropriate drawings all over the walls.
“We are always careful about who we allow in the bathroom with their bag and we don’t.
“There have been people who refuse to leave their bags outside, so they are allowed inside with them.”
In Misa’s case, she forcefully took her bag inside, she said.
It’s unfortunate for the poor toilet man behind the Nelson Library to get such bad publicity. I say unfortunate because I have always admired both him and his wife and the work that they do. This has got to be the cleanest public toilet I know in Apia. Maybe not by New Zealand standards, but certainly by our local standards.
I read this article with mixed emotions. On the one hand I understand where Ms Kesha is coming from and on the other, I totally know where my toilet man is coming from. I too would not have let go of my handbag (in the rare event that I had money in it!) but if my job was to mind 8 broken toilets and 4 that are functional, I would not give ANYONE the slightest chance to ruin the very few toilets that work.
In saying this, a small but humble advice to Ms Kesha. No, we don’t usually treat tourists like that - with rudeness and what not. Being Samoan you would know that we are friendly people. My toilet man is only human and must have had a bad day. Minding toilets in Samoa where cleaning products are expensive and plumbers are hard to come by, please give him a break. Visit another public toilet and then you will understand where I am coming from. Mr. Toilet Man behind the Nelson Library is doing a wonderful job. He even lives there because he wants to give our public clean toilets. How is that for commitment?
To my toilet man behind the Nelson Library - malo lava le tauatai. E le faigofie lau galuega. You are appreciated and you can take my handbag any day even if you were a bar of soap and I will not be worried because I know where you live!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
The Tattooist
Great movie. Liked the plot and enjoyed the holywood-ing of our pe'a ceremony. But kinda squirmed in my seat when I heard the nz-borns try to speak Samoan. Whoever wrote that script shoulda repplaced all the t's with k's to give a more natural curve. Oh well. It was made for the palagis anyway. Guess I wasnt supposed to understand the Samoan words.
Watching this movie in Samoa in a theatre full of Samoans is another experience. Probably why I enjoyed myself so much. Well, other than the fact of Jason Behr...oka se aulelei o le jama. But that is something else...But the Samoan humor...People dying brought waves of laughter from the audience. Jason Behr's attempts to woo Sina were easily muted by the polos in the back row snickering and giggling.
Se malo lava le fai mea pepelo.
Watching this movie in Samoa in a theatre full of Samoans is another experience. Probably why I enjoyed myself so much. Well, other than the fact of Jason Behr...oka se aulelei o le jama. But that is something else...But the Samoan humor...People dying brought waves of laughter from the audience. Jason Behr's attempts to woo Sina were easily muted by the polos in the back row snickering and giggling.
Se malo lava le fai mea pepelo.
Howdy howdy
So the feeling has returned to publish some thoughts here especially following the great excitement of the Nation-wide Tsunami Drill yesterday....
I dressed specifically in shorts, t-shirt and jandals for the occasion. In no way was I going to run up Mt Vaea in a skirt and the "gilas". But I was not like to fall over while the masses made their way to higher ground....like i saw some do rather unfashionably! Can you believe some idiots dragged their stilettos all the way to the prayer house and back? On tar seal? All I can say is, you woulda gotten a great work-out at the expense of not only your feet but those beautiful heels.
To some extent, seeing the corporate community make an effort to make the drill a success warmed my heart. Eventhough the sun was hot enough to fry our brains, the sight of the average overweight samoan huffing and puffing to make it up the hill somehow made the distance easier.
Of course there was the occasional fia malie that decided to scream "help" at the midst of our efforts to put one foot in front of the other. It did give us a good opportunity to stop for a bit of air and to laugh.
The drill did upset our work schedule for the rest of the day but hey, Im not complaining.
I got caught afterwards in a discussion involving blisters that resulted in very loud and samoan eruptions of laughter. You can easily guess what this discussion was about IF and only IF you are Samoan. Dont you love our humour? We can make some painful experience very funny. And private parts very public for that matter.
Only in Samoa.
I dressed specifically in shorts, t-shirt and jandals for the occasion. In no way was I going to run up Mt Vaea in a skirt and the "gilas". But I was not like to fall over while the masses made their way to higher ground....like i saw some do rather unfashionably! Can you believe some idiots dragged their stilettos all the way to the prayer house and back? On tar seal? All I can say is, you woulda gotten a great work-out at the expense of not only your feet but those beautiful heels.
To some extent, seeing the corporate community make an effort to make the drill a success warmed my heart. Eventhough the sun was hot enough to fry our brains, the sight of the average overweight samoan huffing and puffing to make it up the hill somehow made the distance easier.
Of course there was the occasional fia malie that decided to scream "help" at the midst of our efforts to put one foot in front of the other. It did give us a good opportunity to stop for a bit of air and to laugh.
The drill did upset our work schedule for the rest of the day but hey, Im not complaining.
I got caught afterwards in a discussion involving blisters that resulted in very loud and samoan eruptions of laughter. You can easily guess what this discussion was about IF and only IF you are Samoan. Dont you love our humour? We can make some painful experience very funny. And private parts very public for that matter.
Only in Samoa.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
runaway chicken
At the tip of everyone's tongue are the letters SPG im sure.
But between my teeth is chicken threatening to grow legs
And run back to the box where it came from.
Say no to unprotected sex and food poisoning.
Faamolemole, we dont have any pepto.
The laukuava will do thank you.
Bottled water or how about a bottled coke?
Not the maka'eka'e bottle, its now a plastic fagu
And you have to plant a tree after every mouthful.
Because being a winner is to being a binner
Or is it bin it, win it. Se kailo se.
Im gonna jump for the gold, im gonna run for the gold.
Nevermind the sore back there from the swan
I'll remember johnson and johsson soft wipes
Or maybe e best ai lava fu'afu'a leaf
Tupu le vevesi oga o le faiga a le runaway chicken
But between my teeth is chicken threatening to grow legs
And run back to the box where it came from.
Say no to unprotected sex and food poisoning.
Faamolemole, we dont have any pepto.
The laukuava will do thank you.
Bottled water or how about a bottled coke?
Not the maka'eka'e bottle, its now a plastic fagu
And you have to plant a tree after every mouthful.
Because being a winner is to being a binner
Or is it bin it, win it. Se kailo se.
Im gonna jump for the gold, im gonna run for the gold.
Nevermind the sore back there from the swan
I'll remember johnson and johsson soft wipes
Or maybe e best ai lava fu'afu'a leaf
Tupu le vevesi oga o le faiga a le runaway chicken
Friday, April 20, 2007
So! its been a while...
I make no apologies for why I havent been updating as I cant even remember what my excuse is/was except that of being lazy (and that excuse is just so overused!)
So ANYWAYS...on to other things...this morning I was cordially alerted about a letter to the editor in the paper concerning our Ministry. As soon as I got my hands on the paper, I read the article out loud (as it was in Samoan) to my co-workers afterwhich we conducted a very interesting and hot debate on how this Ministry should be run. Now because I value my job, I will not go into the details for fear of getting FIRED but lets just say that my personal comment to the person that wrote to the paper is "YOU GO GIRL (OR MAN!), whoever you are!" Its about time someone brought out into the open what is really cooking deep within our bureaucracy and it aint steak with mash potatoes if you ask me.
Im gonna be real cheap and end this post here because I have a meeting right now. Gotta go prep so I wouldnt look like a dumb idiot during the meeting...
Adios
So ANYWAYS...on to other things...this morning I was cordially alerted about a letter to the editor in the paper concerning our Ministry. As soon as I got my hands on the paper, I read the article out loud (as it was in Samoan) to my co-workers afterwhich we conducted a very interesting and hot debate on how this Ministry should be run. Now because I value my job, I will not go into the details for fear of getting FIRED but lets just say that my personal comment to the person that wrote to the paper is "YOU GO GIRL (OR MAN!), whoever you are!" Its about time someone brought out into the open what is really cooking deep within our bureaucracy and it aint steak with mash potatoes if you ask me.
Im gonna be real cheap and end this post here because I have a meeting right now. Gotta go prep so I wouldnt look like a dumb idiot during the meeting...
Adios
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Conversations with my psyche
Yesterday, I just bought 8 packets of M&Ms from Amau. I was amazed at my psychic powers because I heard clearly in my head what the check-out girl was thinking, “and THIS is why you are not a size 10 like me” I turned around just to make sure that no one actually said this out loud. And also to make sure that no one else spotted me getting the 8 packets. Actually, I didn’t really care if anyone saw me. Because my own psyche was telling me not to care. Its not all for you anyway. And that check-out girl? She’s got eyes the size of Savaii. That is so unattractive. Maybe on some but not on a horse-lookalike.
Out of the eight packets, I had about 5 M&Ms. Six went to Cam, one to Andrew and the rest either went to John or Ave.
They are so greedy.
But I guess Im just bitter cause I only HAD FIVE! And I want some NOW!
It’s a beautiful day.
Out of the eight packets, I had about 5 M&Ms. Six went to Cam, one to Andrew and the rest either went to John or Ave.
They are so greedy.
But I guess Im just bitter cause I only HAD FIVE! And I want some NOW!
It’s a beautiful day.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
when the hype is on
Afraid of the usual disappointment, I didnt bother to watch the finals of the Wellington 7's where our team was facing the Fiji team. I am also a bit superstitious and thought maybe I was bad luck and maybe if I didnt watch the game they would win. And they did. I watched what must have been the 3rd replay of the games a few days later and must say, our boys did really well. A win well deserved and playing with their hearts giving their all for their country. Malo lava!
The big win was on Friday night. It gave a good reason for the whole country to go up in celebration. Im sure Vailima brewries made a killing.
On Saturday, the final for the Oceania Volleyball Tournament held at Tuanaimato again saw Samoa facing New Zealand for both the men and women's teams. I happened by the games at just the right moment by accident. My cousin and I were going for a walk when we passed the gymnasium and decided to go in and see what was happening.
The finals of the women's teams were playing. NZ vs Samoa. Judging from the look of things, we stood no chance. The NZ team not only had a proper uniform, they were tall, toned and looked fit. Our team, well, not so much. It was a close game during the second set. That left the last set to decide the winner. Once more I was surprised that we had won! All the more adding to the excitement.
The boys were playing NZ next and again, we won. Yay! It was also a win well deserved and well played for both teams. I can imagine that the hype from the rugby must have added that little bit of confidence that is contributing to our improved performance. I think that maybe this year will be a good year for us in sports especially with the SPG coming up. Finally we can show the south pacific if not the world, that we can do it when our hearts are in there.
The big win was on Friday night. It gave a good reason for the whole country to go up in celebration. Im sure Vailima brewries made a killing.
On Saturday, the final for the Oceania Volleyball Tournament held at Tuanaimato again saw Samoa facing New Zealand for both the men and women's teams. I happened by the games at just the right moment by accident. My cousin and I were going for a walk when we passed the gymnasium and decided to go in and see what was happening.
The finals of the women's teams were playing. NZ vs Samoa. Judging from the look of things, we stood no chance. The NZ team not only had a proper uniform, they were tall, toned and looked fit. Our team, well, not so much. It was a close game during the second set. That left the last set to decide the winner. Once more I was surprised that we had won! All the more adding to the excitement.
The boys were playing NZ next and again, we won. Yay! It was also a win well deserved and well played for both teams. I can imagine that the hype from the rugby must have added that little bit of confidence that is contributing to our improved performance. I think that maybe this year will be a good year for us in sports especially with the SPG coming up. Finally we can show the south pacific if not the world, that we can do it when our hearts are in there.
Monday, January 22, 2007
The Calm Before the Storm
I've been highly cautious if not highly bothered by the weather lately and the sight outside today is a perfect picture to describe the "The Calm Before the Storm." You can hear a stone drop. The sea is calm and the coconut trees that are usually pretty against the seawall loom like they too are listening and awaiting what is to come. The sky is overcast with a tint of purple lining the horizon and adding to the overall gloom of the day. The air feels heavy and the ground is wet and soggy.
Prayers that we dont get a cyclone this season.
Prayers that we dont get a cyclone this season.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Pregnant or not?
Im afraid to do the test in case it comes out possitive and then what are we gonna do? Not me. The babysitter. She came back from a three week holiday and has been "sick" saying her chest feels like its closing in making it hard to breathe. I thought it was indigestion and gave her some Eno and Pepto. But she was still in bed after two days. We took her to the hospital and the doctor asked her if there was a chance she might be pregnant. She of course said no. So we are wondering wondering. Waiting Waiting. The first day she got sick, John immediately said she might be pregnant as what was happening are the first symptoms of pregnancy....riiight honey! 'Cause you're the expert! I initially thought she was going through what I was going through...a kind of a reality hit. But, as her sickness is prolonging...just maybe she is. I might just get those tests today and have her do it. My gosh...what if?????
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Everything's wrong
I smile but really I want to growl and sneer. I dont feel like being nice today. Im tired of small talk and I hate questions like "how are you?" I sit at work and think about everything but work. Attention span is very short. I dont want to be here. I dont want to be in this country. I dont want to be in this world, this life. I want to throw a glass at the wall and watch it shatter. I want to kick someone in the shin just to see them double over in pain. Im annoyed. For why, I dont know. Maybe its the heat. Maybe its the broken air conditioning. Maybe its the constant whirring of a lawnmower from outside. Maybe its because the year has changed but yet nothing's changed in my life. Maybe its just PMS.
I was discussing something and as my co-worker was blabbing away, I only realised what she was saying when I heard her say, "You have a quizzical look on your face. Don't you agree with this idea? What are you thinking?" I was this close *indicates small distance between finger and thumb* to saying what I was really thinking about. This:
A lot of blank spaces. Looks like 2007 will be a ball....
I was discussing something and as my co-worker was blabbing away, I only realised what she was saying when I heard her say, "You have a quizzical look on your face. Don't you agree with this idea? What are you thinking?" I was this close *indicates small distance between finger and thumb* to saying what I was really thinking about. This:
A lot of blank spaces. Looks like 2007 will be a ball....
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Back to Work Blues
The holidays have come and gone maybe a bit too fast. At least I can say I planted a garden, spent lots and lots of time with my son and managed to avoid fighting with my husband for each and everyday we spent at home. We also spent a day together with my mother at Piula before 2006 ended. It was John's first time there and he loved it. He hates sea water as it gives him the itches. And I got a great tan.
Its back to work again and I dont know if its selective or my memory has just failed me. I can hardly remember where to continue with work. All I can think of is my son and what he might be doing at this very moment. Highly selective I would think. I look around me and feel lost in my small office space. I try to think about work and what I should be doing but all I manage to do is ask myself what I am doing here! Gosh this sucks.
Its back to work again and I dont know if its selective or my memory has just failed me. I can hardly remember where to continue with work. All I can think of is my son and what he might be doing at this very moment. Highly selective I would think. I look around me and feel lost in my small office space. I try to think about work and what I should be doing but all I manage to do is ask myself what I am doing here! Gosh this sucks.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
6 Unique Things About Me
So I got tagged to do this. And although I’ve taken aaaages to do this (sorry!) I thought I would add that I’ve changed the title from “6 Weird Things About Me” to this because it’s a bit more happy and positive to fit my current mood (hope this is alright with you Dylan).
1. I LOVE Vegemite
This might not sound too unique but when you are married to someone from Sapapalii who gags at the mere sight of vegemite, you get to feel quite special
(sometimes too special…).
2. I get along famously with my boss
This is actually a blessing considering how many employee/employer relationships tend to be tough. Although a few posts back I was whining about my job, the work has picked up a fair bit and we are doing a few more things so time at work isn’t as strained. But my boss is a great guy and is a good manager.
3. I have close friends that are above 50
All of them are ex-work colleagues and female. One of them lives overseas and every time she comes over we go to see a movie and do what most people in usual friendships do. We even take the time to have a couple of laughs over various jugs of daiquiris! The other one of them is 65 and is my mother.
4. I whistle when I’m bored…
…or when I’m really into doing something that I particularly enjoy, I succumb to the dancing feeling on my lips and start whistling. I find this interesting as men usually do this sort of thing and would like to know if this is just a “me” thing or do other girls do the same…?
5. I get very paranoid at the slight mention of “uku”
I think the girls at Amau think my head is infested with ukus because I have almost bought all the selu ukus at that store. You see... every time I get one, someone would see it and want to borrow it. But who wants a selu uku back? Not me. So I have been buying them every time someone borrows mine and now I keep them hidden and always with me in my handbag. A small itch on my skull would find me in some corner with my hair around my face and the comb furiously trying to comb out the little pests that are most of the time imaginary on my part. Even as Im typing this I feel as if things are crawling on my head…
6. I will not wear lavalavas
Yeah, some Samoan I am but I’m not talking about the lavalava you throw on at home. I love those. Im talking about the lavalavas that come with a top to make a puletasi. Because of my voluptuous figure, the string never fails to ride up my slim waist leaving the actual lavalava suspended on my mid-ass. Not. A. Pretty. Sight. Especially when the said top is not long enough to cover all the skin tissue. So I've resorted to making the bottom part of my puletas skirts.
So there. So can I tag Pinky’s Brain. Yes I can…Pinky, you are TAGGED. Just cause you are one unique person I know that would put down some interesting things and put a smile of our faces!
1. I LOVE Vegemite
This might not sound too unique but when you are married to someone from Sapapalii who gags at the mere sight of vegemite, you get to feel quite special
(sometimes too special…).
2. I get along famously with my boss
This is actually a blessing considering how many employee/employer relationships tend to be tough. Although a few posts back I was whining about my job, the work has picked up a fair bit and we are doing a few more things so time at work isn’t as strained. But my boss is a great guy and is a good manager.
3. I have close friends that are above 50
All of them are ex-work colleagues and female. One of them lives overseas and every time she comes over we go to see a movie and do what most people in usual friendships do. We even take the time to have a couple of laughs over various jugs of daiquiris! The other one of them is 65 and is my mother.
4. I whistle when I’m bored…
…or when I’m really into doing something that I particularly enjoy, I succumb to the dancing feeling on my lips and start whistling. I find this interesting as men usually do this sort of thing and would like to know if this is just a “me” thing or do other girls do the same…?
5. I get very paranoid at the slight mention of “uku”
I think the girls at Amau think my head is infested with ukus because I have almost bought all the selu ukus at that store. You see... every time I get one, someone would see it and want to borrow it. But who wants a selu uku back? Not me. So I have been buying them every time someone borrows mine and now I keep them hidden and always with me in my handbag. A small itch on my skull would find me in some corner with my hair around my face and the comb furiously trying to comb out the little pests that are most of the time imaginary on my part. Even as Im typing this I feel as if things are crawling on my head…
6. I will not wear lavalavas
Yeah, some Samoan I am but I’m not talking about the lavalava you throw on at home. I love those. Im talking about the lavalavas that come with a top to make a puletasi. Because of my voluptuous figure, the string never fails to ride up my slim waist leaving the actual lavalava suspended on my mid-ass. Not. A. Pretty. Sight. Especially when the said top is not long enough to cover all the skin tissue. So I've resorted to making the bottom part of my puletas skirts.
So there. So can I tag Pinky’s Brain. Yes I can…Pinky, you are TAGGED. Just cause you are one unique person I know that would put down some interesting things and put a smile of our faces!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
To laugh often and much
To win the respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children,
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends,
To appreciate beauty,
To find the best in others,
To leave the world a bit better,
Whether by a healthy child, a garden patch
Or a redeemed social condition,
To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you lived
This is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, quoted by Fred Hollows in his autobiography.
To win the respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children,
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends,
To appreciate beauty,
To find the best in others,
To leave the world a bit better,
Whether by a healthy child, a garden patch
Or a redeemed social condition,
To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you lived
This is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, quoted by Fred Hollows in his autobiography.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
life's a ball
Things have just been fine lately. This may have contributed a little to the lack of posts but a big part of that is just laziness. I mean, dont you feel that when there's drama, something goes off in your head and you think, "Ahhh, there's something I could blog about.."?
So we've had baby's birthday (Im actually trying my best not to call baby "baby" cause he's not a baby anymore...sniff sniff....) It was a great party. Went through a fair bit of stress for it but thats okay. We had fun and so did the kids which is the best bit about it.
John went to Fiji for an anti corruption consultation on the 14th and 15th of November. He went via Auckland and came back the same route. He spent a few extra days in Auckland and did some shopping. I was really pleased with what he got. I wrote him a detailed list and all but I was still proud that he was able to figure out the right sizes and colors. He got baby ...I mean Ave.. and I some clothes. He also got himself some nice shirts and a couple of shorts. He also brought over a box that was the size of a small island from my sister. It contained a set of plastic drawers for baby's clothes, some clothes and chips (a lot of chips - grainwaves, cheezles, biguns etc) for Ave's birthday party. Boy, we saved heaps on the snaks cause the amount of chips in that box was enough to feed five birthday parties! I was a bit perturbed with what happened to the rest of the chips from the party but thats another post. This is a happy post....
Work's been good. Really good actually. We've got a new lady working with us and she's different. Has a different approach but the best thing I like about her is that she loves her mother to death. Her mother is 98 and is living with her family. That is quite a rare thing in modern society, especially in palagi society, to be looking after an elderly parent. Usually, the parent would be taken to an old people's home. So I was both surprised and pleased to find out about Libby's Mum. She used to be a florist so Libby is having a ball taking photos of our beautiful tropical flowers and sending them to her Mum. I printed out a picture of a gerbra from my garden and gave it to Libby for her Mum. Here's the pic and hope you enjoy its beauty as much as I do....
So we've had baby's birthday (Im actually trying my best not to call baby "baby" cause he's not a baby anymore...sniff sniff....) It was a great party. Went through a fair bit of stress for it but thats okay. We had fun and so did the kids which is the best bit about it.
John went to Fiji for an anti corruption consultation on the 14th and 15th of November. He went via Auckland and came back the same route. He spent a few extra days in Auckland and did some shopping. I was really pleased with what he got. I wrote him a detailed list and all but I was still proud that he was able to figure out the right sizes and colors. He got baby ...I mean Ave.. and I some clothes. He also got himself some nice shirts and a couple of shorts. He also brought over a box that was the size of a small island from my sister. It contained a set of plastic drawers for baby's clothes, some clothes and chips (a lot of chips - grainwaves, cheezles, biguns etc) for Ave's birthday party. Boy, we saved heaps on the snaks cause the amount of chips in that box was enough to feed five birthday parties! I was a bit perturbed with what happened to the rest of the chips from the party but thats another post. This is a happy post....
Work's been good. Really good actually. We've got a new lady working with us and she's different. Has a different approach but the best thing I like about her is that she loves her mother to death. Her mother is 98 and is living with her family. That is quite a rare thing in modern society, especially in palagi society, to be looking after an elderly parent. Usually, the parent would be taken to an old people's home. So I was both surprised and pleased to find out about Libby's Mum. She used to be a florist so Libby is having a ball taking photos of our beautiful tropical flowers and sending them to her Mum. I printed out a picture of a gerbra from my garden and gave it to Libby for her Mum. Here's the pic and hope you enjoy its beauty as much as I do....
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
The Story of My Friend
The curser is continuously blinking as if to beckon words that would mould together and form thoughts. In strings of sentences, thoughts might just appeal to someone. There is a lot of words and the well of thoughts is never dry. But it is the appeal that I worry about. Depending on the reader’s tastes, expectation and experience, so would be the appeal of my thoughts to them. And the other part depends also on the writer and how the words and thoughts are organised. How do you raise an issue and ensure that the readers fully gauge the writer’s feelings? It can simply be stated and the issue will be known, but how do the feelings come through?
I’ve got a story to tell. I thought it was a story worth telling. The story goes like this…
I’ve been trusted with a friend’s secret; one that I can’t tell anyone, obviously. However, the matter of the fact is that the “secret” has raised warning bells within me on the oh! so famous issue of infidelity and the hell it heaves. And of course being the newly married young couple that John and I are, I sit and wonder, in light of this secret, about how if by any chance God forbid I was to find myself in my friend’s shoes.
To cut a long story short, my friend found his wife was having an affair with another man while he was overseas on business. He was told by another friend who also told him that most of their other friends knew about it. It seemed that all knew about the affair except him.
My friend has two children to his cheating wife. A fourteen-year-old girl and an eleven-year-old son. He is quite close to his daughter and thinks the world of her. He’s always talking about her. A month after my friend discovered the affair, his daughter was rushed to hospital. She had overdosed on panadol.
He later found that the poor girl had guessed out her mother’s affair. The mother was decent enough to be banging the husband of the woman that employed her daughter. The daughter found herself in a tight situation where she was unable to tell her father (or rather did not know how to) nor her employer. She withdrew into her room where she listened to music that spoke her reality and the relief of suicide. Finally, one day, the weight of it all was too hard to carry that she sat there downing panadols, hoping she’d never wake up again. She did wake up again and routinely prepared for school and caught the school bus that morning. A few minutes later, she’s rushed off to hospital vomiting. My friend heard that morning what every father hopes never to hear. That his daughter had overdosed.
So I’m listening as my poor friend pours his heart out. I’m a bit unsure of what to say and do as this friend ain’t exactly a life-long, personal friend, if you know what I mean. So I say I was sorry, wish him the best of luck in sorting it out, and dart out the room. The whole time after that I was thinking what in the world I’d do if that was me????
He said he never saw it coming. I firmly believe though that you will see an affair coming from afar. There are certain signs, right? Right? Maybe my friend never saw it coming because he was away half the time! That has to be it. Maybe the trust was given too freely. Maybe he was just somehow blinded. Maybe she was bored. Maybe she's just a cheating beeyatch...
Its a whole bunch of maybes.
But I cant help wondering at my own marriage. Would my husband cheat on me? Would I cheat on him? What makes someone have an affair? Would I be able to see something like this coming? See it before I start hearing things in this small island of course!
Well, whatever happens, if I ever found my husband having an affair, I hope and pray to God that He gives me the strength to hold back from stabbing or boiling the bastard to death!
I’ve got a story to tell. I thought it was a story worth telling. The story goes like this…
I’ve been trusted with a friend’s secret; one that I can’t tell anyone, obviously. However, the matter of the fact is that the “secret” has raised warning bells within me on the oh! so famous issue of infidelity and the hell it heaves. And of course being the newly married young couple that John and I are, I sit and wonder, in light of this secret, about how if by any chance God forbid I was to find myself in my friend’s shoes.
To cut a long story short, my friend found his wife was having an affair with another man while he was overseas on business. He was told by another friend who also told him that most of their other friends knew about it. It seemed that all knew about the affair except him.
My friend has two children to his cheating wife. A fourteen-year-old girl and an eleven-year-old son. He is quite close to his daughter and thinks the world of her. He’s always talking about her. A month after my friend discovered the affair, his daughter was rushed to hospital. She had overdosed on panadol.
He later found that the poor girl had guessed out her mother’s affair. The mother was decent enough to be banging the husband of the woman that employed her daughter. The daughter found herself in a tight situation where she was unable to tell her father (or rather did not know how to) nor her employer. She withdrew into her room where she listened to music that spoke her reality and the relief of suicide. Finally, one day, the weight of it all was too hard to carry that she sat there downing panadols, hoping she’d never wake up again. She did wake up again and routinely prepared for school and caught the school bus that morning. A few minutes later, she’s rushed off to hospital vomiting. My friend heard that morning what every father hopes never to hear. That his daughter had overdosed.
So I’m listening as my poor friend pours his heart out. I’m a bit unsure of what to say and do as this friend ain’t exactly a life-long, personal friend, if you know what I mean. So I say I was sorry, wish him the best of luck in sorting it out, and dart out the room. The whole time after that I was thinking what in the world I’d do if that was me????
He said he never saw it coming. I firmly believe though that you will see an affair coming from afar. There are certain signs, right? Right? Maybe my friend never saw it coming because he was away half the time! That has to be it. Maybe the trust was given too freely. Maybe he was just somehow blinded. Maybe she was bored. Maybe she's just a cheating beeyatch...
Its a whole bunch of maybes.
But I cant help wondering at my own marriage. Would my husband cheat on me? Would I cheat on him? What makes someone have an affair? Would I be able to see something like this coming? See it before I start hearing things in this small island of course!
Well, whatever happens, if I ever found my husband having an affair, I hope and pray to God that He gives me the strength to hold back from stabbing or boiling the bastard to death!
Thursday, November 09, 2006
five ways to know people read your blog
Well I dont really have five ways to tell you but one way I found was to leave your blog for a while, dont post for months and then you'll start getting comments like this:
Reesa...I'm calling you? Where did you disappear to girl? Come back! ;)
and
Why foa you no blog? Update! :)
I feel so loved *sigh* Its nice to know that the nonesense I post up here about myself is actually read by fellow bloggers!
Fank it yew!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
its that time of year
I think if Samoa had all four seasons, this time would be Spring. And my favourite flower of all time is in full bloom. Every chance I get, I'm out with my office camera flicking away. My boss has the same fascination for the same flower and has also been flicking away. Isnt this flower just pretty?
Blogger is being difficult today and isnt responding to the other pics so will post em later.
Blogger is being difficult today and isnt responding to the other pics so will post em later.
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