responsibility

So I have been away from my family for 16 days today. I miss them dearly but not terribly. I dont feel a yearning to see them or to hug them. I dont feel that this is a bad thing. I feel that this "time away" was something that was long overdue for my personal well-being. I have a lot of time on my hands so I do a lot of thinking. And I mean A LOT of THINKING. This surely cant be too healthy but it feels good to be able to talk to myself again. To contemplate things in my small head and tune into that sixth sense of getting the feel of things, situations and peolpe. The results are amazing! I am now a true believer of "Trust your instincts!"

This post I have headed responsibility. I guess after listening to Alanis Morisette's Perfect, I got thinking about my childhood. There are stark similarities of my childhood to this song. I guess I was always pushed to do better at school and even now, my parents, father in particular, expects me to do more. He expects me to be more like him. I find it very hard to do this as much as I want to please him and make him proud. I feel as though everyday, its a struggle for me to be me. It sometimes feel as though I am drowning in it all. And so while I am roaming the streets of Wellington taking in the possibilities, the choices, the varieties, the culture, the freedom, I cant help but appreciate my Dad, my Father. Without the shit he put me through, I dont think I could survive in this bigger world. Thanks Dad.

So I didnt really mean to go into all that but where I was going with this post I guess is parenting. Yes, PARENTING. Its a responsibility way bigger than me and just this morning, as I thought about my childhood and its woes, it again dawned on me that being a parent spells huge responsibilities. The person/people your children will become is in a big way, the result or product of your parenting. I know this isnt a new discovery nor is it rocket science. But still, it never fails to amaze me that I am now a parent and every once in a while, I wonder if I am doing a good job.

At the end of the day, I guess it comes down to whether my kid will be an axe murderer or your average, every day, crazy-once-a-while person just like I am!