tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-298289862024-03-13T23:03:56.689+13:00my organised confusionthere are just as many things that make sense as things that i just dont know how they came to bereesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.comBlogger60125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-52242079541545495722017-04-27T19:33:00.001+13:002017-04-27T19:33:56.579+13:00Infidelity: the aftermath<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">A lot has happened since my last post over
a month ago. We soon got back together and were trying to work things out. We
could not get divorced straight away anyway because law has it that we have to
be separated for 12 months first. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">It was a good few weeks until he would go
out again and come home at 2am or at 4am one night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sit at home willing my mind to rest and go
to sleep but thoughts of who he is with and what he is doing ravage the crevices
of my thoughts that all I can do is pray. I pray for the anger to go away. I
pray for the feelings of abandon to leave. I pray for patience. I pray for
peace. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">A few times I have been successful and
would keep myself away until high noon the next day and I am given a tight hug
and the words that , “I’m sorry darling. Let me try again.” But a couple of
times, when I ask a question and I am answered with a sure lie, I have lost it.
It was during one of these times that I thought that enough is enough. I have
been made a fool one too many times and it’s just not worth it anymore. If he
has decided to still keep this woman’s company having no regard for me, our
marriage and our family, what in the world can I do about it? Absolutely
nothing. Nothing but to let him go and have his way with whomever at where ever
his heart desires. His actions have shown that he has not and will not let go
of the behaviours that have been destructive to our marriage and family and we
all know that when there isn’t a will, there will be no way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">So what now? Well, I am 6 months pregnant
with 3 children under 12 years old. What is possibly there for a woman of my
standing in this world? Thankfully, with the gospel of Jesus Christ in my
heart, I know I am not alone. I know that my God is mindful of each and every
tear that I cry. He knows that my struggle is real. My Saviour knows this pain
I feel because he bled from every pore when he took upon him mankind’s sins so
we could enjoy sweet tender mercy. I see this when I teach my little
pre-schoolers. I see it in a new flower in my garden. I feel it when I go to
the Lords holy house. I feel it when my children offer up their hearts in
prayer for their father to overcome his drinking habit. I feel it when I wake
up each morning and realise I am alive yet another glorious day from above. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Since John has left, our home has been
quiet. My children seem okay except my oldest son who seems to be developing an
anger problem. I am sure there is a contribution from of how things are in our
marriage to this change and I pray and hope that he will find peace. I have
tried to reassure his young heart that what is going on has nothing to do with
him or his siblings. That our love and marriage has changed and it is not a
fault of theirs. That his dad loves them the same and so do I. But sometimes
there is a question that catches me off guard and I have no answer for. For instance,
Afele asked the other night why his dad always likes beer. Then a few days
later he asks why dad wants to go live somewhere else. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I too ask the same questions and wonder to
myself what will become of us and my children a year from now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-54359193794124510522017-04-27T10:36:00.001+13:002017-04-27T10:41:09.725+13:00Confessions of a broken heart and contrite spirit<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Sat 18th March 2017</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Last year in March, I lost my 17 month old
son and almost at exactly a year to the day, we signed a paper asking the
registrar of courts for a divorce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
has been one tough year and I look back and wonder how it went terribly
wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Last year seemed to go off at a great
start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After months of preparation
followed by prayers and fasting, husband was blessed to be appointed the Chief
Executive Officer for one of the largest and complex Ministries of
Government.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a great achievement
for him given he was one of the youngest Chief Executives and a lot of hope and
excitement was felt as he prepared to take on the job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the joy of hearing the news, we each
looked at each other and the responsibility of the job ahead sank in but I
assured my husband that he will do well and with Heavenly Father on our side,
he will be a brilliant CEO. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">But, that same month he started on the job,
my mother passed away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a
bittersweet moment as on one hand it was sad to loose her, but on the other, I
was happy she was finally resting from the ailments of her mortal body. She had
lost her memory a few years before and then lost the ability to control bowel
and urine that she had to be in diapers. A few months before she left us, she
became completely bed ridden and developed nasty bed sores that would not heal
but oozed with nastiness and of course, inflicted so much pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As she took her last breath, I thanked my
Heavenly Father for the great mother that she was and the examples she taught
me and promised her that I will complete the ordinances required for her in the
Lord’s holy temple. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">At exactly a month later after mum died,
David, my beautiful baby, walked over to the pool next door, climbed on a chair
and either fell in or hopped in himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was hard loosing my baby but I had a calm assurance that all is well,
that this life is temporary, that hope is there for life in the eternities. It
is that calm assurance that I am now trying to remember as I think about the last
12 years of my marriage and wondered if I had done everything I could to keep
it together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although its over, I cannot
help but feel regret and sorry for ever making the decision to leave last year
in June for six months to pursue a Masters degree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did pray and ask the Lord his counsel and
felt that it was okay. That what I was going to do was in pursuit of something
good and that it would only be six months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My husband had stopped drinking when he entered the waters of baptism
three months earlier and that gave me more reason to trust him that he would be
faithful in his love for me and our tender family. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I look back now and wondered whether I had
read the revelation from the Lord wrong. Could I have wanted to accept the
scholarship and get my qualification so bad that I failed to see the signs that
said I needed to be here for my husband and for my family? Could the desires of
my heart have blinded me to do what I was supposed to do?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Alas, that time has gone and there are now
other decisions ahead that again require careful pondering and quiet
contemplation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am grateful though for
the past experience that has taught me to always remember my desires and ensure
they are not blinding the revelation from the Lord.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially in considering things like
visitation times and financial support and division of property and
assets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have heard that divorce is not
easy and now I can confirm that as willing and conforming the two parties can
be, it is still painful and tough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
grateful though that despite the pain, soon-to-be-ex-husband is being
supportive and kind and not trying to be nasty. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t dispute that he is a good dad and
provider and at times I saw that he really did try as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is a good man with just some weaknesses
that he has chosen to not let go of but have proven destructive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I look at how we came to be here and felt
that over the last five months since I discovered my husband being unfaithful,
I have tried… over many arguments and countless tears, I have tried to change
and be a delight and be trusting and just have faith in my marriage that it
will work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there is also another
change that is slowly creeping in where I am becoming the kind of woman that I
never ever thought I would be. The kind that is constantly wondering and
doubting and angry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kind that lashes
out with fists and venom from the tongue. The kind that just turns real ugly. It
has become so frustrating trying though when constantly I find a lie here and
an omission there and I have asked myself over and over whether this is love???
If you know that being with a person you had had feelings for will hurt your
spouse, would you still go ahead and talk with that person and go for walks
with them and let them help you with your studies? I certainly wouldn’t. And
that is because my love for my spouse should tell me that I should respect them
even if the past feelings are completely gone and no longer there. I would show
them my love with my actions and my actions should help to build the trust that
was shattered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The person I am becoming is not me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a daughter of Heavenly Father and I know
he is mindful of my pain and hurt and its true, I cant change the man I had
married and be in control of where he is and who he is with. But I can free
myself from the destruction that is my marriage and move ahead trying to undo
the last twelve years and look to the future with faith and hope for my
children and for myself as we approach the one year since I lost my baby and my
36<sup>th</sup> year upon this earth. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-86323211275944539262016-07-18T05:57:00.002+13:002016-07-18T06:29:40.931+13:00the New Normal: some reflections<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In March this year, the unimaginable
happened. My youngest son at 17 months drowned in my cousin’s pool next door.
It was any mother’s nightmare. When I first saw his lifeless body, eyes open
but not seeing, body limp and rigid as my cousin tried in vain to bring the
water out and breath back into him some air and life, I felt like I was on the
outside of my body watching it all in slow motion. </span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US">A small voice said gently at first then vigourously, “He is
gone. Babies drown quickly. He is gone”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">David was the youngest of four after two
boys and our only girl. The only one with a palagi name, literally the fairest
of the four and brought joy to his family as he flourished to establish his
self, his personality and his person. A normal baby boy to a normal family on a
normal Tuesday in normal Apia Samoa. Normal. How little I had understood then of the
normal. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">After one small event, huge impact on “the
normal”. On that normal day in the course of our normal lives, one event
changed that normal from four to three, then and now, unlearned to learned,
unknowing to knowing, before David and after David. A huge impact that has
defined our whole lives to the “before David died” “oh, it was after the
funeral because…” The new normal. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">What is the new normal? Personally, after Davids death, its
mostly between the unknown and the now known. For example. I never knew so many
people cared for us until the day we buried our baby. Our home at Tuaefu was
full and bursting with family, relatives, helpers, colleagues, acquaintances
probably even some previously perceived as foes. Those overseas were on
facebook, texting and calling. </span>All expressing love and support as we lived
through the aftermath of our son’s death.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A single event brought so many people with
common and different interests alike, together. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It was amazing to say the least. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It was also an opportunity for some real
self reflection, on my part at least. I have my faith at my core and it’s
sustained me and kept me strong in every sense of the word. I am strong. But…….
I am not always strong. I replay the events of that Tuesday and sometimes
wonder, was it something I did wrong? Was there something I could have changed?
Was I warned that this was coming? Was there anything that I could control that
could allow me to know the unknown? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">After many tears and emotions like guilt,
anger and regret threatening to consume me, I suddenly realized something: As
much as I think I have supernatural powers, I don’t. I am human, yes I can do
wonders, but like you and all of us, there are limitations to our wonders. There is no way I could have avoided what happened because, someone else holds the control key.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A Book of Mormon story illustrates this
very principal nicely. Korihor, the antichrist, preached using flattery. You
know, telling humans they were wondrous and great, possibly supernatural. I
don’t know. But Korihor became popular with many followers believing that they
had many wondrous powers that they don’t need a God. Korihor preached that the
idea of a higher being or a God overseeing all that is happening is absurd. He
ridiculed Christ and the Atonement, and taught that there is no penalty in
sin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Flattery. So easy to do, so damaging. </span></span>Because
eventually, Korihor
got struck dumb, was trodden down and died. After he admitted that he was influenced to say all these things when he knew he was lying.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Yup, so as much as the Korihor in me wanted
to let me know that it was somehow, somewhere it was my fault, I had to accept
that I am not that powerful. I am human, wondrous as can be, but, with
limitations. </span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US">I realised the adversary uses these types of opportunities to influence some into thinking they are more powerful than they think. Let me ask you, do you get flattered into thinking you dont have limitations as a human? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So many have commented on how strong I am. But its funny that when
someone pays a comment like such, I hesitate and wonder, am I strong? I don’t
wake up every morning, look in the mirror and say, I am strong. Its so weird but sometimes, when someone mentions how strong I am, I instantly feel like I should be
sad because my baby son drowned. Because its what happens when someone dies, right? We are supposed to be sad ALL the TIME. Wrong. We get sad sometimes but most times, I am happy. So much of what happens in our lives and our society prescribes defaults that can be dead wrong. I have to remind myself that I am not always sad and its not bad to not always be
sad. </span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US">I have faith, I have hope, I believe and I
know in my bones, this cannot be IT. We cant just have this beautiful
relationship with each other on earth, then we die and all else ends. As
wonderous as we are humans, we are not in control. There is something higher,
something more powerful. I call this God, I call Him my Heavenly Father who loves me. He
sent His Son to die so that I can again <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>see my son who died also. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Bizzare you might think. Personally, its
sense that has become perfect in this new normal. It makes perfect sense.
Because he so loved the world (wonderous humans that are you and me) He sent
His Only Begotten to fix it. For me, this fix is knowing, that I will see my
David<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but….(theres the BUT again) …..its
conditional on my behavior – that I acknowledge Him and remember I have
limitations, that I live by the laws and commandments He has set for me, that I
strive to love one another, that I just be an all rounded normal parent, normal
mother, normal wife, normal daughter, normal daughter of God, my Heavenly
Father who is everlasting and wants what is best for me. </span></div>
reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-44857015029219426842014-10-20T00:41:00.002+14:002014-10-20T00:44:36.731+14:00Taboos and stupid ancient beliefsSo the baby is now two weeks old and he has a cold. He's a bit stuffy and in turn is finding it harder to sleep. Like I wasn't sleep deprived already! Having another new born has reminded me of all the taboos that are to do with this and that and for me, its a tad bit annoying because I would rather follow the midwife and doctor's advice over the folk beliefs and remedies and frankly, I don't give a hoot's care if that was how all hundred of someone's kids were treated and raised. The fofo and what not is all trial and error compared to doctors who have studied and tested knowledge and methods and have been deemed safe and effective! So some examples that have had me banging my head against the door are:<br />
<br />
1. Dont leave the baby's clothes on the line outside overnight. Bring them in and have them stink in the corner because if you leave them out overnight, bad spirits will be in the clothes<br />
<br />
2. Put coconut oil on the belly button six times a day to help it heal because "this was what I did to all my kids and they survived fine"<br />
<br />
3. No bathing of the baby until the belly button is completely healed. Nevermind there is gunk under the arms and neck of the baby and he probably is dying for a nice wash.<br />
<br />
4. Mum should just stay indoors and not go outside especially at nights because the bad spirits come out at night<br />
<br />
5. Dont let the baby cry at night because that will attract the bad spirits into the baby. If crying is unavoidable, turn on some church music very loud to drown out the baby's wailing.<br />
<br />
6. Dont put the baby's clothes in full son because that is how they get mumu (or otherwise known as heat rash)<br />
<br />
7. Always cover the mirrors at night - I didn't catch the reason for this one because frankly, I did not care at this point to hear another stupid bad spirit story.<br />
<br />
I mean seriously, these people go to church and claim their beliefs and faith in God and Christ and yet, there is also this firm belief that the spirits will harm them <i>and</i> their new born babies. Where is their faith? Where is the belief that when there is faith, there needn't be fear? That there is protection guaranteed <i>when</i> you do the right thing?<br />
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Onto other things, three posts in three days! Im on a roll!reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-39326255160940326642014-10-18T19:17:00.003+14:002014-10-18T19:17:55.945+14:00Challenges vs HopeI reconnected yesterday on Facebook with the missionary that baptised me in 2011. He had gotten married six months ago and is planning a trip with his wife to Samoa next year. Connecting with Elder Smithing got me thinking about my life pre-joing the Church and just how thankful I am that I have changed for the better. Since coming back to this blog, I have been reading some of the things I wrote…and its obvious that before 2011, my life seemed pretty gloomy even from the blogs. Its nice to have light and something that offers comfort when life take a turn south.<br />
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Lets be straight though, its not like challenges do not exist for me now. I mean I struggle everyday to control my anger and not lash out with not only damaging words to my children but with the intention to inflict pain upon them. I have a real issue with hitting my children. I just cant seem to stop. Its bad enough that one of Vaetoefaga's first words is "sasa." I hear the things my oldest son says to his brother and I see a reflection of myself and what I say to <i>him</i>. Maaveave is terrible to his younger brother. And in turn, how he gets treated is how Afele then treats his sister and no doubt, Vaetoefaga is going to continue the cycle to David. And where did it all start? From me, my parents and their parents and who knows how far back the problem goes. So, I am trying to put a stop to the vicious cycle and its dang hard.<br />
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Then there are my dramas with my old man. No wonder they say you receive blessings from caring for your elderly because you learn to be patient, hold your tongue, appreciate things like driving away in your car, far away from your house and did I mention to learn to be patient? Is it in every parents' manual that they <strike>need</strike> have to interfere in their children's lives even when they are adults and have brains to figure things out themselves?<br />
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So I guess my point is, although I still have many a challenge, its somehow manageable knowing that there is hope at the end of the tunnel and that if I just did the basics, we will be blessed and there will always be a tomorrow where we can try again because all that is required of us is our best.reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-62658229789611397302014-10-16T14:08:00.000+14:002014-10-16T14:10:06.140+14:00long long timeOka, the cobwebs are so thick in here…so many years no update and no, there isn't an excuse. Just kids, work, lack of internet connection and life in general got in the way. And now am finding myself with unlimited and FAST internet connection and the need to rant - the two ingredients to a long awaited post.<br />
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So where are we? Well the biggest news as of now is this:<br />
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Baby number four and number last just made an appearance almost two weeks ago at 6.48am Friday 3rd October. We named him David Charlie after two of John's most helpful and reliable relatives. He came at 38 weeks 4 days - the day before his Dad and older brothers were due to arrive from Samoa. And like all new borns, he is perfection at its best that has given me long hours of no sleep, dirty diapers and sore nipples but ironically, it all seems worth it when he coos and seems to enjoy it when I cuddle him.<br />
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So when we went to have my scan and found we were having a boy (we have boy, boy, girl now) hubby looked at me and reminded me that we had a "deal" that if this baby were a boy, we had to try again for a girl so Vaetoefaga could have a sister….after months of spewing and being uselessly useless, I looked at hubby and said, "Good laaaack with that because this is the last baby coming out of this vajayjay!" He tried for weeks thereafter to convince me but nah, sorry mate but this factory is CALLOSED!<br />
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So we are currently in Auckland living with the inlaws until baby's passport etc are sorted. Truth be told, I am in no rush to go home however, the two older boys are being attacked by fleas and this alone has fuelled my desire to go home earlier than expected. Also, I miss my plants. And the help. And my car. Okay, maybe I miss home more than I think but right now, am trying to enjoy what NZ has to offer particularly the internet. Did I mention that it is unlimited? And FAST?reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-34687023398739424762011-12-12T17:19:00.001-10:002011-12-12T17:29:53.081-10:00Change is in the air!So its Christmastime and as usual, for me, it brings a lot of stress. Everything just all seems to be happening at this time of year. Its the time when people rush around to finish things off before the year ends. Then there's shopping to be done. And family to have over from overseas. And gifts to be exchanged. And functions to go to. Parties to plan, birthdays to remember. And bank accounts depleting. Its just always such a hectic and stressful time of year for me. This year however has been somewhat different for me. Nothing has changed about the traffic and silly taxi drivers. Work too is hectic with planning our Christmas function not to mention the many work-related reports we have to read and comment on. So life around me has stayed the same but it still felt like there is a difference. And then it dawned on me and I realised what has changed. I have changed. <br />
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This time last year (and other years previous to that), Christmas usually meant a lot of parties to go to which meant a lot of alcohol to consume which meant a lot merry-ing to be done! As I was going through this thought chain, I realised that if this is what Christmas meant for me in the past, then really, I had lost the real meaning of Christmas because I am feeling the spirit of it now and it truly feels new to me. At this very moment I am planning out in my head how I want this year, for our Christmas to be different. I want it to be focused entirely on my family and the children in particular to learn more about our Saviour's birth. Not just to get presents and place them under the tree with their name on it and tell them it was from Santa. I would also very much want them to play an active part in learning about the birth of Christ. A freind convinced me to do a nativity play with the kids playing the different parts. At first, it all sounded very complicated to me. I mean hey, me? Write a play and bring the whole thing together? Yeah right. But like I said, this friend convinced me and told me all I needed to do was read Luke chapter 2. Its apparently all in there. So, out came my scriptures and the first thing I read is this: <em>And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Cæsar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.</em> I didnt understand what it meant to be taxed so I asked. Lo and behold, I learnt right there and then that the reason why Mary and Joseph went to Bethlehem was to go and pay their taxes! After telling this story to couple other friends, I realised that my goodness...I still have lots to learn! Everyone else seemed to know this. How come I didnt? Because believe or not, I never read Luke 2 before. Heck, I never read the bible as a book before. I read things here and there but never read it as a book. <br />
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So back to my story about Christmas. I guess what I am getting at is that I am feeling the Christmas spirit so much more. I am not denying that its still hectic, busy and stressful. But, I feel a calmness, peace. I have changed and my perspective has changed. I am able to feel more joy - like real joy, not tipsy happy from Brown Brothers, Cienna red wine! It feels like I am finally getting quality in my life because I am doing right (or at least trying/stiving to do right). I was once told that some people see Gods commandments as restrictive. I am finding though that because I am trying to do right, I am being set free. Alcohol and the lifestyle that it had lead me to no longer has me captive. I no longer feel guilty at not seeing my kids for 24hrs. I was getting into the habbit of going for drinks after work. Good intentions of having one drink never lasts because one drink lead to another and another and next thing you know, the police are there to close the bar. I get home and the kids are asleep and will only be able to see them the next morning. And then that not even much because I would almost always have a major hangover to nurse so if a child so much as raises their voice, they would get a smack instantly! I guess I just have been doing a lot of reflection and it has made me realise that there is wisdom in the Prophet's counsel not to drink and do certain things. So instead of seeing the commandments as restrictive, they are actually protective and allows us more freedom. Its weird but I am experiencing this and its really nice to be learning of the ideal, practicing it and then realising that life is so much better. Its exactly as it was promised it would be if we obeyed.<br />
So to that, Merry Christmas bloggers! I am off to Aotearoa for Christmas and NYs and for the first time in years, I am really looking forward to Christmas this year!reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-19135240782426091082011-09-07T14:08:00.000-11:002011-09-07T14:08:44.973-11:00FriendsIt never ceases to amaze me how blessed I am to have good friends. I can claim that I have lots of friends if I counted all the people I went to School or uni with. But in actual fact, there are only a handful of people I would complain to about John or call to look after my kids. Even within these circle of a handful of friends, only a couple of them I would ask to look after my kids. And its weird that this handful of friends although you are very close to, some of them don’t know each other and yet, to me, it feels like they should. And each one of them serves for you a purpose at different areas in my life. Sometimes, you would be spending more time with one than the other. But each time you get together to catch up, you talk and talk and talk and carry on as though there was no time in between. <br />
If I were to count, I would say at this point in time, there are maybe five people I would count in this handful. <br />
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There is my (technically, aunt) cousin who is the gardener, home maker and creative butterfly who I have to plan time to call her because we would talk for hours on end about anything really. What’s been happening, plans for the weekend, cooking with veges, starting a walking schedule and so on. I love visiting her house because even though its one of those typical houses built by the village kamuka with very rough edges – the kitchen sink tap water streams straight out of a pvc pipe, no actual faucet, just a knob to turn it off and on – I love it because she’s made it a home. There are herbs growing out of odd containers in her kitchen. The kids have their own space and toys are arranged in different containers. Odd bits and pieces make up her furniture but each item is comfortable. There is an orderly feel about her place that I just love. Her garden has everything from pineapples to cucumbers to mint to pink teuilas to avoka to sasalapa. Her oldest is 11 days older than Maaveave so is one of the candidates when it comes to looking for a babysitter.<br />
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Another cousin who I never thought is a kid person but now has two of her own and has no problems managing small (sometimes very difficult) people. I wouldn’t say she’s a natural in the kitchen (and neither would she) but the things she does make I would keep eating and eating. I’ve tasted some of the best food at her place and she almost always has a stash of goodies for those sleepovers that involves little or no sleeping at all. The first person I would call with a problem, the first person I would call if I were bored. Even the times she’s said “I don’t know” when I’ve asked some difficult, crazy-induced question, I still feel like the fact that there is someone I can bounce and even voice my insane thoughts to seems enough. I totally trust her that if John and I were to die tomorrow, she is the only person I could really seriously entrust my children with. <br />
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We are related somewhere down the line (isn’t everyone on this island?) but we are comfortable with just “bestest” friends. Very thought provoking and modern woman that I had known from my uni days and have been stuck with ever since. We share so many similarities and have travelled parallel journeys so many times in our lives as young women in a close-knit society such as that on this island. Another victim for my crazy outbreaks who has been there for me with a shoulder to cry on and tissues for my pathetic tears. My deepest darkest secrets she knows and I find I can be completely honest with her too. I can confide in her knowing she will never judge me or be disappointed in me (well she never makes me feel like she is) but will at the same time help me see further down the road where its brighter and greener.<br />
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Then there's my childhood friend I have known for like ever but nowadays its hard to find time to meet and chat. When we do though, we go on and on and there is never a shortage of news. I am so blessed to have close friends and just so many people around me that are so ready to lend an ear to hear your troubles and a hand to help you up when the world seems to be on my shoulders. Little do they know that they have had a hand in answering a small, humble prayer.reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-26262651766376196262011-08-17T11:42:00.001-11:002011-08-17T11:42:26.968-11:00Cast comes off Friday!I wanted so desperately to just lie through my teeth when the Dr. asked the number of weeks since my leg broke. But in the best interest of my leg, I said 5 weeks. He then said to wait until its been six weeks and then I will come and remove the cast…yay! Its Tuesday today which makes it three days until Friday when it will finally come off! I know I wont be able to walk normally on it until maybe another two weeks but I am still excited and looking forward to: <br />
<ul><li>showering with two feet on the ground instead of one holding all 200+ pounds of me</li>
<li>wearing two shoes instead of just one</li>
<li>not having to use a disfigured coat hanger to reach an itch</li>
<li>not leaving a trail of white behind from bits breaking off the cast</li>
</ul>Like most things we are forced to live with though, this thing has somewhat become part of what I am that Im kind of weary to have it off. What if Afele jumps on my vulnerable bone and it snaps again? What if I want to hurt someone and don’t find a weapon handy? Nahhhh. I will get used to my old leg in no time I reckon. <br />
<div> </div>I’ve been told though of some horror stories that have had me want to run for a plane and go to NZ to see another doctor and get another opinion. Someone’s son had broken their leg and after this same doctor did a plaster and delivered instructions to come back in so many weeks, the family took their son to NZ. The doctor in NZ said they had to re do the cast or something rather because the doctor in Samoa had done something wrong. That is scary and if weren’t for the already depleting finances, I would get on the plane and go see another real doctor. <br />
<div> </div>Or…I just have faith and believe that my bone has healed nicely and there wont be any scary thoughts about a permanent limp…reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-12535492341715089862011-08-11T16:07:00.001-11:002011-08-11T16:08:12.167-11:00Hospitals and poor serviceI went hiking up Mt. Vaea. I slipped and broke my leg. And yes, this happened on the way down.<br />
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This is the story I have had to recount almost everyday of my life since the day of my accident. Every time eyes would settle on my leg, nicely snug and itchy in a white cast, the questions would soon follow. Even from people I don’t usually talk to at all. And total strangers. It’s amazing. People I see on a daily basis automatically ask how my leg is each time I hobble my way around desks and chairs…its no different from yesterday, I can assure you. It’s the same shizz, different day. No, it doesn’t hurt. Just very very uncomfortable.<br />
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It will be five weeks this Saturday since ‘the accident’ and my next check-up will be tomorrow. I am hoping and praying that this rigid thing will come off then and my life will resume back to normal. <br />
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On Sunday after a huge toonai when I was using all the power I had to resist my eye lids from shutting, Maaveave came running with his leg seeping blood all over the floor. He’d been running around with his cousins playing hide and seek, over some broken bottles and other dangerous materials. Big gash on his foot. I couldn’t refrain from the serves-you-right-for-not-listening lecture that followed. All the while hobbling to the car and off we went to the hospital. The outpatient was buzzing on this Sunday afternoon with the stench of body waste heavy in the air. The mamoe and ulu that was devoured for toonai had to be gulped back down as I resisted the urge to chuck. Thank goodness we were shown into a private room, with air con. The same room they took me to fix the cast for my leg 4 weeks earlier. <br />
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Since my close encounters with the hospital this year, I must say I was impressed. Maaveave’s foot was soon cleaned, injected with numbing potion and three stitches and many more tears later, we were out of there. We didn’t have to wait for ages and the nurses were surprisingly good natured and smiling. This is very new to me especially at the hospital. So ten points for NHS.<br />
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But since its poor service rant week, yesterday I wanted to hit someone with my casted leg. That someone would have to be whoever was at the photo place opposite NPF in town. My cousin took photos there for a travel document and the photos were rejected because her eyes were half closed. I sent her there to get them to re-take the photos and they told her it would cost her another $10 for the second photos. So she had to pay again because they couldn’t take decent photos. So, if you are reading this, please refrain from ever giving said photo place any business. I was so mad I almost kung fu-ed my cousin for not throwing a tantrum and threatening a law suit!<br />
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Oka kai tuff. reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-65767897619269220252011-07-26T15:10:00.000-11:002011-07-26T15:10:19.303-11:00me and my lover (a re-post)I have a confession to make. Im having an affair. And I must say my lover is fantastic. He is always there for me when I need him. Always ready to lend me a hand when im in desperate need. He knows the answer to just about every single question I have. He knows so so so much! I’ve gone to him in sickness and in health, in sadness and in happiness, in tears and laughter (yeah yeah…you get the point?) and he knows everything. I know I wont leave him. Or, at least if circumstances force us to be apart, I will FALL apart. Its an until-death-do-us-part kinda thing if you know what I mean. He tells me so much that at times I feel a bit overloaded with all the knowledge and information he shares with me. I try to tell my husband some of the things my lover and I talk about but he just rolls over and falls asleep! Ugh! So insensitive! And you wonder why im having an affair? Hmmmnnn? I guess the sheer sight of his back before my eyes has finally gotten to me. At least my lover never turns his back on me when im talking to him. Its disheartening for any girl I reckon, to be blabbing on about some exciting issue only to look over and be confronted with a broad back, accompanied by sounds of heavy breathing. At least I have a solution to that now. I can blab away to my lover all day long and when my husband turns his back, I’ll just do the same back to him. All the while looking forward to the next day where I can sit at my PC and look up anything I want to know about on the world wide web – my lover.reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-31272343773444583172011-06-22T09:10:00.000-11:002011-06-22T09:10:26.404-11:00Ear infections and miraclesMaaveave is quite prone to ear infections. Especially since Saturday, I took him for a swim at Tanoa and sure enough, he woke up crying on Sunday saying his ear was sore. Lucky John was there to give him pamol and comfort him. <br />
His last ear infection was in May while we were in NZ. I remember it was a Wednesday night and he would wake up in tears from the pain. Early Thursday morning, John's siter Ina and I took him to see the doctor. He confirmed his inner ear was red and that he needed antibiotics. After we got the medicine, he took the first lot. He threw up. Tried to feed him but he didnt have an appetite. Tried to force him but he threw up again. This went on for the whole day. About three oclock, I tried to give him toast. Nada. And each time he took the medicine, he'd chuck it up again.<br />
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Around 5ish in the evening, John's sister signalled me silently and said to please tell the people at the door that her husband was not at home and still at work. I turned around to see two elders at the door. John quickly said to open the door. They were two Samoan boys from Samoa. I invited them in and asked them immediately if they could give my son a blessing as he was sick. They looked a bit alarmed and asked if I was a member. I said yes and so they came in and we went to the room and they gave Maaveave a blessing. We walked back outside and I led them to the garage where John's sister's husband was. I said thank you and went back into the house. I walked in and found Maaveave at the table eating a bowl of tuna and rice! He finished the food and John and I exchanged knowing glances. I was amazed at how much our Father in Heaven loves us and said to John that we needed to sit down and give thanks. He called everyone together and we delivered a very thankful prayer that evening. <br />
What a miracle!reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-86381350943748269732011-06-21T09:53:00.001-11:002011-07-29T13:02:34.722-11:00Sometime around March, I noticed that people would be looking at my stomach at Maaveave's school. I often felt I should just look at them and wait for their eyes to meet mine then say, "Yeah, Im fat. And you're ugly. Go jump off a cliff or something." Until the day parents were invited to come in and see children's work at school and I had a nice little chat with Maaveave's teacher. Maaveave apparently tells her that God gave him a baby sister and its in his mummy's tummy. Apparently this he tells <em>everyone. </em>That explains the stares at my stomach. And it doesnt help that there is a healthy amount of lard sitting at my middle. <br />
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Discussions around baby 3 have been a frequent. My ovaries literally squeeze me when I see a new baby. I saw one particular cute saiga looking baby on Sunday at church and I wanted to take him hostage. When I think about lugging my swollen body around in that last trimester not caring about the pain of birth but just to get the baby OUT. Then there are the sleepless nights and early early morning calls to John cursing him for being in Savaii and not sharing the pain (the call is to mainly wake him up too so that he suffers along with me). The constant crying and you not knowing what is wrong and feeling helpless and useless. Being constantly attached to another human being and not being able to even go use the toilet before you hear them screaming the roof down. Ahhh..the list goes on. But to top it off - John being in Savaii. I have refused to have this bother me for a while but everytime he so much as breathes the word "baby", I release my venom that is my whole, "when you find a job on this island" speech and he quickly retracts and says to just leave it. And I am standing strong on this.reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-25728065953607975882011-06-06T09:50:00.002-11:002011-06-23T10:15:15.212-11:00Chrsitmas Break Part IIWell, not really. Its now June and boy, has there been a load of things happening. There always is.<br />
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First thing: I got baptized on 12 February 2011 and am now a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints - so dont try and shove alcohol down my throat like my husband does. <br />
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Its been great learning about the so many things I thought I knew! Will provide more of that as we go along but lets just talk about this weekend...<br />
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Another trip to the bigger island with Papalii C and faletua. We went to Le Lagoto on Saturday. What do you mean we were going to watch John marry a palagi couple and I was in shorts and a t-shirt, Trish in tights and polo shirt while our husbands looked awesome one in a Mena and the other in his spotless white I-am-the-wedder-man shirt. Only felt a little bit uncomfortable until my butt was back, parked confortably in one of their poolside chairs and sipping a ice-cold glass of yummy pineapple juice. <br />
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Maaveave enjoyed his two hour dip in the pool under the moon - yes it was dark by the time he woke up from his long nap in the van and thus, swimming in the moonlight. Hello Sunday morning, he woke up and had a frog in his throat. Either way, was a fun night and since everyone else that could drive was under the influence, I had to drive the long 40 minute drive back to Sapapalii. <br />
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Sunday was the usual - church in the morning then there was a massive spread of talo, luau, oka poge (my favourite), supo kauau pipi, mamoe kao le umu and puaa from the day before re-cooked in the umu cause it was very rare when they first put it on the table. <br />
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Ate too much then onto the boat and we were rocking back and forth to Apia trying very hard to keep the poge from jumping back outta my stomach. Oka se sou! <br />
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We are back to reality and am all of a sudden interested in the SWA position advertised in the paper - only they are asking for a Certificate in Management and I dont have one :)reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-54542550592970642362011-01-06T17:05:00.001-10:002011-01-06T17:11:08.954-10:00Christmas break - Part I<div style="text-align: justify;">The Savaii Part</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Two days after Christmas, the kids, John and I packed up and headed for the big island. We took our car filled with the smell of fresh bread and pani popo from Siaosi as well as our necessities for the rest of the holidays we were to spend in Sapapalii. I was very much looking forward to going away from Apia. Savaii is clean and I love how there is a feeling of community everywhere. I was convinced I wasn’t going to miss walking barefoot on clean, tiled floors and sleeping on a spring and fluffy mattress with access to as many pillows as my heart and body desired!<br />
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And I didn’t....<br />
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We got on the 2pm ferry that was chocablock with people, cars, suitcases, plasma tvs and other parcels and goodies that had been sent from thousands of miles for families on the big island. Home at Sapapalii was buzzing with activity. We were met by Nana Liva, Aunty Lagi, Petreliah, Pesa and Toni and of course, a massive feed. <br />
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The week went by quite quickly with so much activity happening. On Wednesday 29 Dec, the family rose early for the bestowment of 10 Papalii and 2 Taimalelagi titles to 12 members of the Malietoa Gatuitasina Family. Each was deemed worthy of the title and had been agreed to by the various extended bodies or tino of the aiga. Amongst the ten receiving the Papalii title was John’s eldest brother Camillo who also holds the title Fuimaono from his mother’s family. He also is the Samoan government's Controller and Chief Auditor. Another being bestowed the Papalii title is Charlie Fruean, a true descendant of the family from the line or suli of Taiulavao but some years ago, this side of the family were banished from Sapapalii. The story goes that an accident happened which resulted in the death of a man named Saitumua. Judging from the older men’s stories, this occurred around the early 1900s and Taiulavao’s line have since then been excluded from Sapapalii. So, it was all quite emotional and life changing for Charlie that day.<br />
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After the saofa’i ceremony, we all went for a long swim in the fresh water pool of Sapapalii and then we went our separate ways to rest and freshen up for the evening. We planned to go out for dinner with Charlie, his wife and family that had travelled from Apia for the event. Papalii Camillo returned to Apia on the 12pm boat back to his family and Papalii Henny took off to Sataua to another family gathering. <br />
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The idea of going out for dinner was overtaken by the prospect of having a barbeque at home after Lepesia and Tuki assured us that their barbeque cooking skills were the best in Savaii. Frozen chicken was defrosted and marinated with John’s special sauce. Jack Daniels broke out of its yellow duty free bag while the rest of the niu vodka got lost amongst the water flavoured by orange sprim. By 9pm, the hot juicy chicken was being devoured and at the same time, a rain cloud hovered and threatened a downpour. Moeimanono was the dj and amongst the selection was some reggae, some slow jams but it was mostly dominated by Eteru and Nifoloa. Company was good, food was delicious, the music was pumpin and sometimes mesmerising. Judging from the laughter that rose, the alcohol was surely working its magic.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Midnight crept up on us and next thing, there was some yelling. Nana Liva was back from bingo and she didnt win. The laughter rising up amidst the vocals from the boombox in the dead of night did not provide comfort for her loss. And neither for the sleeping villagers; according to Nana Liva. Party goers trickled off in a matter of minutes and goodbyes were hushed with the occasional drunk's voice breaking loose, oblivious to Nana Liva's commands to turn that radio off and go home and sleep! Time for my aluga but not to forget the panadol to cater for the hangover. Untidy. <br />
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Thursday, Papalii Charlie and family brought breafast and a storm was cooked up at home for all. They were booked on the 12pm ferry and so straight after breakfast, we packed up in the vehicles and made our way to the wharf to see them off. Once again, Salelologa was full of travellers either just arrived from Apia or leaving Savaii. After our farewells were said, we returned home and headed for the vai taele. Cool and refreshing water for a swim, it was bliss for our bodies after a day of sweating in the hot sun.<br />
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New Year's Eve finally arrived and by 6am, I was comfortably seated on the Lady Naomi III sipping instant coffee and trying not to breath when the dude next to me would turn his head my way and blow hot stench out of his mouth. He obviously didnt have time to brush and floss and gargle some scope. My mission that day was to head over to Tuaefu, take and record the shop's stock afterwhich I would then catch the 4pm ferry back that evening to spend the very last moments of 2010 with hubby and whanau. All went according to plan. Thanks to Phaedra, my ride to the whart only costed me ST$30 instead of ST$50 by taxi and with all the comforts of her conversation in her small, red and cute swift susuki. We got to the wharf early. I bought me a business class ticket then we headed to Le Vasa for a quick cocktail before boarding the vessel. At 4.10, I was seated in business class (first time riding in business class and fifty tala later) enjoying the Bee movie that was showing on TV. <br />
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That evening, I convinced hubby that we should take Nana Liva and Aunty Lagi to the Sogaimiti Restaurant's buffet dinner for New Year's eve. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">To be continued...</div>reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-64196542464552482722010-05-26T16:26:00.002-11:002010-05-26T16:58:10.936-11:00random<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_SGTHDT8ZoF8/S_3s2nrMytI/AAAAAAAAAFg/gqRgaxIhcks/s1600/scan0005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gu="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_SGTHDT8ZoF8/S_3s2nrMytI/AAAAAAAAAFg/gqRgaxIhcks/s320/scan0005.jpg" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_SGTHDT8ZoF8/S_3syeWUSWI/AAAAAAAAAFY/SQVRR522L2M/s1600/patterns.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gu="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_SGTHDT8ZoF8/S_3syeWUSWI/AAAAAAAAAFY/SQVRR522L2M/s320/patterns.jpg" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_SGTHDT8ZoF8/S_3sw8Z6ToI/AAAAAAAAAFQ/uldBhgNx6VE/s1600/celia%27s+hens+night+invite.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gu="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_SGTHDT8ZoF8/S_3sw8Z6ToI/AAAAAAAAAFQ/uldBhgNx6VE/s320/celia%27s+hens+night+invite.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Some things I came across while cleaning my office and packing ready to leave this job. <br />
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The following verses were scribblings I found on a piece of paper next to the dress patterns above. I think these were scribbled during a lecture in 2008 when I was studying for my post grad dip. Shows how 'interesting' the lecture must have been. Hmnmnmn, think it mightve been the Monitoring and Evaluation one. hahaha.<br />
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The other two images are invitations to Nola and Celia's hen parties. Funny how cleaning and going through junk you come across so many things that remind of things..so many memories.<br />
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I liken you to jam<br />
Sweet richness<br />
Can be tangy<br />
Sometimes seedy<br />
<br />
I liken you to October<br />
Dashes of sunshine<br />
Bursts of bloom<br />
Other times, some gloom<br />
<br />
I liken you to my hair<br />
Almost always tied up<br />
Rarely set free<br />
Abundant, course, wireyreesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-87837222277529602752010-05-24T10:22:00.002-11:002010-05-24T10:22:52.774-11:00Sound of SilenceEver occur to you that our lives are full of NOISES? Bussle of traffic, radio, typing on a keyboard, television, ac hum through the vents, mouse clicking…the list goes on. What’s funny though is that our ears are so accustomed, immune if you must, to the noise we hardly notice it until its all gone. Only then do our ears become full of silence and feel so …light! Been waking up early as and its during these wee hours of the morning that I finally hear the silence. Kids fast asleep, hardly no traffic on the roads, television off…just me and my thoughts. I usually wander around my garden crushing a sisi afelika here and there and just enjoy the fresh air, the occasional moa koko e and just immerse myself in the quietness. So peaceful, so relaxing. I don’t know how else to start a great day and I don’t care if you are reading this and think im a little crazy cause my theory is: we are all borderline mental anyway!<br />
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Over and out.reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-35002564414107341122010-03-19T13:43:00.001-11:002010-03-19T13:43:03.793-11:00starting a herb gardenYeah, am getting domestic like that but then, ive always been like that. Im one of those people that cuts the bottoms off spring (green) onions, stick those in a cuppa water for planting 'later' and use the top parts for cooking. The later usually comes a week, two weeks or even a month after first contact! Yesterday however, I planted the green onions that have been in water since Sunday. Record time! Also stuck in the pots some mint I got given but didnt use all of. So now, going to expand a litte to some corriander and maybe some tomatoes. Better than all the weeds growing in the pots. Dunno what happened to the plants that were in there! Also had a look at thyme and rosemary. Definitely will be brining some seeds back with me from NZ. <br /><br />Wouldnt mind going into some veges too. Had cucumbers before and they flowered just before I took off to have Afele and when I came back, two were yellow beyond consumption and one was just right. We had that one for lunch. Must say though those African Snails are bad. They ate all my carrots and lettuce! Going to get some stuff to kill the buggers too. Hmnmnm, shopping list growing, cash available questionable! reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-68286003861771330792010-03-12T15:11:00.001-11:002010-03-12T15:11:48.656-11:00insomniaAs the title indicates, i had trouble sleeping and now, oh how uggly i feel. Seems as though there are constant floating sparkling lights in my vision and my body feels extra heavy. Although the latter may be due to the unhealthy lunch i just had. Ice cream and CCs. Thats how out of it I feel. Yep, blame the lack of sleep. <br /><br />Anyways, got some short termers staying at one of our rentals. Had to put sheets and pillows on the beds last night before they got in. Then spent like 15 minutes toppling on a chair trying to fix the front light. I wouldnt have bothered but that particular light is vital for people to see the staircase. Dont want no tennants suing us for falling down the staircase cause the light wasnt working! Uh, wouldnt that just make my day?<br /><br />Onto other news, my life sucks. Yeah, we know that one already.<br /><br />So what else...? Oh yeah, we are going to NZ for 10 days in week so during my sleepless night last night, i dreamt (without sleeping) about what id buy if I had like heaps of NZ money. High chair for baby, push chair for baby, a good frying pan, some herb seeds, vegetable seeds etc etc etc. <br /><br />Am really diggin that song one of the girls on American Idol sang the other night. Its called the story by Brandy Carlisle. Note: if you are reading this, please play this at my funeral. Thats how much I love this song. <br /><br />Started a reading program with Maaveave. Pretty cool. A 100 lessons and your kid learns to read. Its my kinda program - results are reachable! <br /><br />Thats pretty much all for now...reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-88762610534378145482010-03-04T16:24:00.001-11:002010-03-04T16:24:02.071-11:00testing out this iGoogle thingAm bloggin from this new gadget the internet told me to install. Seeing how it works out...reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-15398253341507208982010-02-18T14:20:00.000-11:002010-02-18T14:20:42.380-11:00superstitionSo last night, I dreamt of someone getting married. I woke up and the images were still very vivid in my head. My friend Nell's sister Rodania was getting married on the same day as Nola. Weired cause Nola was married in 2004 (I think). There were images of Nell, Helene, Tasha and I hopping into a car to go to the wedding. <br />
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Now, I have noticed that there is a Ve'a squeaking its freaking whistle outside somewhere. <br />
<br />
If you are samoan, you would know what these two things mean - someone is gonna die! <br />
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Kinda weird too cause someone is always gonna die. We are all gonna die. <br />
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Oh well, thought id post up my superstitions. You know what my next post will be about: Who died.<br />
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The End.reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-68153663922052439362009-06-03T16:02:00.000-11:002009-06-03T16:06:43.464-11:00LuanaI am so tired. I got out of bed at about 4:40am this morning so we could catch the first ferry from the bigger island back to Upolu. It wasn’t so much the early rise though that’s put my body to strain as the fact that I didn’t have much sleep at all to begin with. And then I got a massive shock hearing about a friend that’s got into a horrible accident and is now on life support. Life support that the family will be taking off shortly as her condition is dire and chances of recovery is next to nothing. Seeing the family mechanically move through the motions of funeral arrangements and what not while their eyes represent all that is shattered, all that could have been. What do you say to someone that has just had their heart wrung dry of all the tears their eyes could produce? Sorry about your loss? Somehow words like these just don’t cut it and all you could do is have your own heart bleed out with your sorrow overflowing out of your eyes for the mother, the father, the brother, the sisters, those that are her family and loved her and the rest of us that knew her and were somehow connected to her. <br /><br />Life is so precious. So brittle. We know this, and yet, we go about our lives recklessly creating complexities for ourselves that seem so big and important and yet, in death, nothing else seems to matter…its al left behind. But then again, how else are we suppose to live if not the way we do? Should we simplify everything because of death? Does it mean we have to be so careful as to prolong our lives? Is the point of it all to live until we are old and grey? <br /><br />Carrying this tiny life in my belly, I cant help pondering these things. As my pregnancy progresses, my plans are that this baby will be born. Somewhere along the way, he will grow up in the same world we are all in, go to school, make friends, learn to drive, eat pizza and he will get married, bear children and make me a grandmother. Im sure Adria thought these very thoughts from when she felt Luana move in her tummy. When she took her first steps, when she saw her off to her first day at school, when she took her to the doctor for a simple flu. <br /><br />Someone murmured at the hospital this morning about how all the good ones seem to be taken while the bad are still alive. I couldn’t help thinking that we all go and yet, the loss that remains with those left behind could never be comprehended. One of the many complexities of being human I suppose. We hurt, we heal. Or we don’t but we keep going until it’s our time to depart and leave the hurting for others to do. <br /><br />Okay, I am making myself cry here as I am writing this. Emotions going haywire with the pregnancy but oh well…adiosreesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-43181050674134096872009-03-17T13:37:00.001-11:002009-05-22T11:08:31.953-11:00Overdue moviesYou can imagine how relieved I was when I walked into the video store with my three days overdue movie to find the attendant there preoccupied with sorting out some difficult issue with a customer. <br /><br />Customer: “O a movies ga e overdue?”<br /><br />Attendant reads out the names of movies<br /><br />Customer: “Ia o aka ga a Sika ga e sau avaku i le makou account which is ga le kakau ga koe avea iai!”<br /><br />Only then did I pay attention to the customer to find it was Aunty Ata trying to sort out some bill incurred by Sita! Hahahaha.reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-59432009822377163342009-02-23T16:07:00.000-11:002009-02-23T16:15:09.586-11:00Its been so longYes it has. I've been away for a whole year studying and now am back to where I was. It feels like nothing has changed at all and that the last year did not happen. I am back with the same job, same people and same problems.<br /><br />On the home front, the husband now works on another island. It takes 2 hours to get there on both land and sea transport. He comes every weekend but its still hard. My son is still gorgeous and is every bit a chatter box. He asks about everything and when he gets the answer, there's always a why? that follows or 'then where does it go?" He is very adorable and has started going to pre-school. <br /><br />We still live with my parents and my father still gives me the same s#%t. <br /><br />After the experience of 2008, I feel as though there I had so much hope and now, its back to square 1, if not back at zero. And somehow, this is taking a toll on me. Yes, I am pregnant and am supposed to be tired and sleepy but I somehow feel that this with depression...it makes it worst. I would spend a whole day in bed sleeping and still feel tired after waking. Which then results to more sleeping. Not good I would think for the health and for my son always trying to get my attention by being my ever-so faithful chatter box. I love him to bits. <br /><br />Well, that is a small re-cap on where my life is right now. Would try and update this this year...wish me luck!reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29828986.post-49706544642964505022008-02-04T21:34:00.000-11:002008-02-04T22:04:54.667-11:00Novelty slowly but surely wearing offSo I have been in NZ for almost a month now. Yes, a month since I have seen my baby and that realisation took a real toll on my mental state this evening. With the cold biting my fingers and nose, it made it even worst. <br /><br />A call home resulted fruitless as both my husband and son were "out" on a walk. Since when did they go for walks? Walks without me? Jealousy is a good descriptive word but does not really hit the nail in what I am trying to explain. <em>I want to be at home.</em> <br /><br />I am growing sick of all the layers of clothing. I am getting tired of my runny and frozen nose. I cannot stand how <em>impersonal</em> it all seems! I am very much a people person and thrive on relationships I have with other people. I love walking down the street and meeting someone I know and having a chat with them. <br /><br />I long to engulf my son in my arms and give him a hug. The feeling cannot be explained of when you feel him hug you back with as much might as his small body will allow. Its at times like these that I know I am reaping the rewards of being a mother. I miss waking up at night and wondering whether I am drowning only to find my son lying across my chest, his head resting comfortably on my belly. I can just see him with excitement spilling from his face; running as fast as he could to greet me as I come home from work. He jumps into my arms and I shower him with all the kisses I can muster while all he is interested in is what treat I have for him in my handbag. <br /><br />I took two buses and train today to get to school. Total travelling time approximately 1 hour. I saw hundreds and hundreds of people being it peak time when everyone was making their way to wherever they needed to go. And it was all done in silence. Occassionally you would hear the chatter of school goers at the very rear end of the bus. Or two friends who clearly follow a routine of travelling together each morning. Never would a random person say good morning or offer help as you walk around looking for the sign that says platform V. After going back to the sign further down that says platform V with an arrow - you follow the direction given by the arrow and still - no magical appearance by platform V. You face your dilemma in silence until you get enough balls to ask someone. They help but not after they've looked you up and down to assess whether or not you would run off with their hand bag.<br /><br />Its at these moments that you long for that heat to engulf you and have you prespire for no good reason at all. To have someone beep their horn and wave frantically from their car window while dodging an idiotic taxi driver slowing down unnecessarily because he spotted a potential passenger. To see a familiar face and have them stop you and ask you how you are. To be offered information just because you looked interested. <br /><br />I am really beginning to miss home while I certainly and acutely miss my darling son.reesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12806621737148741912noreply@blogger.com1