Monday, July 31, 2006

its just unfair

In spite of the fact that I dont want to whinge and complain about it, i'll do it anyway. Just so I can feel better. Ironic that I know it wont make me feel any better but what the heck? I'll just do it anyway.

I applied for a scholarship to do postgrad studies and got accepted but (there is always a big fat BUT) ...Im not eligible. As plain as it is. And its all cause of this darn NZ Citizenship I inherited from my father. Well, I've gotta say the NZ passport has saved me from applying for visas and such but its also prevented me from being eligible for funding to pursue further studies. Well, funding from AusAID that is. NZAID allows you but they dont offer distance education. And NZ universities dont offer much variety as the Aussies do.

So im sitting here staring the application forms with a heavy feeling. I keep on reading question 7 over and over hoping that it would somehow change. Nope. Zit. Nada. I just cant. Although I was born in Samoa, raised in Samoa, educated in Samoa ('cept 3 years in Welly where I did my undergrad) and am now working for the government of Samoa (since 2002), just because my father happened to live in NZ for 22 years and got citizenship, passed it on to me, I am not eligible for funding. Definitely no BUTS there.

Oh well. Maybe something else will come up. Just maybe. And I think I feel a bit better now. Just a little bit until I glance over and see the application forms again....arrrgghhh!

I leave you with this beautiful view of Apia.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Happy Anniversary

Yes, its been a whole year (July 23rd) since we got married. It doesnt seem that long and Im not sure if thats a good thing or not. Looking back though, I dont see any regrets. So far, i've pretty much had a good marriage. Notice the i've part....wonder if John feels the same way.

*Note to self: Ask John if he's had a good marriage*

So back to my anniversary. We didnt do anything special except hang out with baby. By the time we got out of bed, mass was already half way through (sorry dad) so I got my head straight into cooking lunch. I made chicken soup, stir fry and potato fries. T'was yummy.

I feel as though this is a very boring post and i've lost motivation to write anything compelling or interesting so we'll leave at that for now.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

a massage

Oh how I long for one. My body feels as though its been hit by a truck over and over and over. Even the little parts on the insides of my wrists are sore. Even my pinkie feels like it was in the twin towers on 9/11. Only the thought that the pain will eventually pass is keeping me from jumping out my window.

Its from all the excercise ive been torturng my body with.

From months and months of inactivity to this sudden boost of vigorous training...and then there's the higher number of "outings" and late nights lately... and then theres the increased rate of alcohol intake. My life is slowly getting back to "normal" after acquiring a house, a husband, a bunch of in-laws, a baby and a babysitter. An now, im feeling the impact of trying to get back into some kind of shape - whatever that may be. I know all it takes is a good rest and some powerade but...(theres always a but)...yeah...cant do that really. I mean, how? Just how can I miss out on all the drinking and partying and time with baby? There's no time!

Gosh, imagine when baby number two arrives! Thank God for contraceptives!

Two days ago I saw my friend eeda. She is pregnant and she is huge. Im so glad I went through that process and survived. It looks so tiresome being pregnant. Although eeda seemed energetic and happy to be pregnant. She's looking very healthy and I am so happy for her.

Well seeing as i've just hit a brick wall on what else to write i'll say adios!

Monday, July 10, 2006

When I die

Ever thought about when you die? I know its a rhetorical question but still.... I always think about it and usually talk about it to John. He used to get antsy about the question but after my prodding and nudging, we're finally able to hold a conversation about it. To him, if you say it out loud, it just might happen. Dude, whether you talk about it or not, Death is as sure as taxes (seen Meet Joe Black?lol)

I very much doubt that he takes what I say about my death seriously hence, this post.

So you can call this post my will if you like...hehehe. I've given John the specs but I still want to be sure that its documented somewhere, somehow.

So here goes....

The last thing I want is tears and black clothing at my funeral. How about a Mena? It never fails me, the saying goes. So please, if you plan on coming to my funeral, go all out like you're going to a Christmas party (eh, kai kele). Oh and yeah, please hold my funeral the day after I die. Dont like this morgue business - no thanks. I've heard too much about what they do to the dead bodies at the morgues so *gulps* yeah.... I want to stay at home and be buried the next day. Talk about pressure but hey, if y'all really love(d) me, you'll do as I wish(ed).

I dont want a fancy, expensive coffin. Just a wooden box with wooden handles would do. Dont like the shiny silver/gold handles they stick on some of the wooden coffins i've seen. Line the inside with creme satin (not white lace please) and stick any old dress on me. Dont really care what I wear. (Now I really feel weird thinking about my body being...dead. weird) anyways....

I wanted to have a breakfast wedding but that didnt happen. Can I at least have my funeral in the morning? Time the mass say at 6:30 - 7:00am? Just as the sun is rising. Food or refreshments would then be croissants, muffins, suafa'i, with lots of cck coffee, eggs and toasties (my fav food - with tuna and cheese). Anything breafast-like.

Eulogies, well.... whatever the living decides I suppose.

Uma loa ga kagu le oki, fai loa le partree. All you alcoholics can bring out your 42 below and absolutes on moy grave and have it your pardee. Makuai faapapa kou toilets (no puking though!lol).

So that is basically it. I dunno if that's everything but yeah, talk about reaching out from the grave a ea? Oh well, its only a death wish. I promise I wont get up and haunt you if you dont abide!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The story about money

We've been so broke lately. Actually, we are always broke. And I downright hate being broke ALL THE DAMN TIME! I worked out a budget and even after reshuffling and changes, the numbers still end up negative. Usually, when I budget, I always manage to work it out on paper and am somewhat surprised as to why I dont have any money left over. This time, even on paper it looks depressing with many "if onlys". If only the baby sitter didnt run up the phone bill. If only I didnt succumb to my sweet-tooth fetish and bake that banana cake, running up the electricity bill. If only.

Yesterday we did a massive shopping. Well, we bought two weeks worth of vegetables for baby, some meat, onions etc. The usual shopping we do on payday except yesterday wasnt pay day. Today is. But yesterday, John checked his account and discovered $300 in there. He thought his aunty had sent him some money hence, the hard-out shopping. We spent $150 in the space of 30 minutes. Today, John found 0 in the place of the $150 that should have been left in his account. Where's it gone and where's his pay? Well, after a bit of investigation he found that somehow his pay went in a day early. Some of his deductions kick in today and that's what ate up the rest of the money left over from yesterday's spree. Leaving a nice and round zero to greet him! That's just perfect.

Since we're on the money issue, I really want to start a business. I always think about opening a consultancy firm. I have contacts that would make excellent business partners as they are experts in their so called fields BUT, the million dollar question is whether they want to branch off from what they are currently doing and join me in business. Another issue altogether. In my head though, everything seems like they could work out and it would be a goldmine. The firm could look at providing technical advice on Marketing, Communications and IT, Accountancy, Auditing, Policy and Planning, Project Design and Travel (yeah I know this one seems a bit out of it but hey relax, this is only the "thinking" stage). I really think this could work if the right people are involved and everything is well thought out, clear and transparent. But this is all just me occupying myself with thoughts because I cant go to sleep kinda thing so it might just all fall apart in practice. This isnt the only business idea ive had. In fact, I have many many many. Yes, many ideas, no implementation. I can already see a gap.

I can go on and on but thats just boring. Im tired. Im loggin out....

Monday, July 03, 2006

bludeh hot

What could be worse than Monday at work, the air conditioning down, I have a cold plus a cough that threatens to bring the heavens down (more like bring my brains out!). And now at about 4pm, the sun decides to stream through my curtain-less window. ugghh! Oh and did I mention that im broke without a dime and get anything to help with this cough? I didnt have lunch (cause im broke) but got chocolates from an old friend who just got back from NZ and have been munching on those. Now I feel sick in the stomach as well as my head and chest! Okay, I should stop thinking negative and think possitive.

*thinks really really hard*

nope. not working. okay, i better go empty my bladder before i make a mess on top of everything else thats not going well for me today....