Monday, January 22, 2007

The Calm Before the Storm

I've been highly cautious if not highly bothered by the weather lately and the sight outside today is a perfect picture to describe the "The Calm Before the Storm." You can hear a stone drop. The sea is calm and the coconut trees that are usually pretty against the seawall loom like they too are listening and awaiting what is to come. The sky is overcast with a tint of purple lining the horizon and adding to the overall gloom of the day. The air feels heavy and the ground is wet and soggy.

Prayers that we dont get a cyclone this season.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Pregnant or not?

Im afraid to do the test in case it comes out possitive and then what are we gonna do? Not me. The babysitter. She came back from a three week holiday and has been "sick" saying her chest feels like its closing in making it hard to breathe. I thought it was indigestion and gave her some Eno and Pepto. But she was still in bed after two days. We took her to the hospital and the doctor asked her if there was a chance she might be pregnant. She of course said no. So we are wondering wondering. Waiting Waiting. The first day she got sick, John immediately said she might be pregnant as what was happening are the first symptoms of pregnancy....riiight honey! 'Cause you're the expert! I initially thought she was going through what I was going through...a kind of a reality hit. But, as her sickness is prolonging...just maybe she is. I might just get those tests today and have her do it. My gosh...what if?????

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Everything's wrong

I smile but really I want to growl and sneer. I dont feel like being nice today. Im tired of small talk and I hate questions like "how are you?" I sit at work and think about everything but work. Attention span is very short. I dont want to be here. I dont want to be in this country. I dont want to be in this world, this life. I want to throw a glass at the wall and watch it shatter. I want to kick someone in the shin just to see them double over in pain. Im annoyed. For why, I dont know. Maybe its the heat. Maybe its the broken air conditioning. Maybe its the constant whirring of a lawnmower from outside. Maybe its because the year has changed but yet nothing's changed in my life. Maybe its just PMS.

I was discussing something and as my co-worker was blabbing away, I only realised what she was saying when I heard her say, "You have a quizzical look on your face. Don't you agree with this idea? What are you thinking?" I was this close *indicates small distance between finger and thumb* to saying what I was really thinking about. This:

A lot of blank spaces. Looks like 2007 will be a ball....

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Back to Work Blues

The holidays have come and gone maybe a bit too fast. At least I can say I planted a garden, spent lots and lots of time with my son and managed to avoid fighting with my husband for each and everyday we spent at home. We also spent a day together with my mother at Piula before 2006 ended. It was John's first time there and he loved it. He hates sea water as it gives him the itches. And I got a great tan.

Its back to work again and I dont know if its selective or my memory has just failed me. I can hardly remember where to continue with work. All I can think of is my son and what he might be doing at this very moment. Highly selective I would think. I look around me and feel lost in my small office space. I try to think about work and what I should be doing but all I manage to do is ask myself what I am doing here! Gosh this sucks.