Challenges vs Hope

I reconnected yesterday on Facebook with the missionary that baptised me in 2011. He had gotten married six months ago and is planning a trip with his wife to Samoa next year. Connecting with Elder Smithing got me thinking about my life pre-joing the Church and just how thankful I am that I have changed for the better. Since coming back to this blog, I have been reading some of the things I wrote…and its obvious that before 2011, my life seemed pretty gloomy even from the blogs. Its nice to have light and something that offers comfort when life take a turn south.

Lets be straight though, its not like challenges do not exist for me now. I mean I struggle everyday to control my anger and not lash out with not only damaging words to my children but with the intention to inflict pain upon them. I have a real issue with hitting my children. I just cant seem to stop. Its bad enough that one of Vaetoefaga's first words is "sasa." I hear the things my oldest son says to his brother and I see a reflection of myself and what I say to him. Maaveave is terrible to his younger brother. And in turn, how he gets treated is how Afele then treats his sister and no doubt, Vaetoefaga is going to continue the cycle to David. And where did it all start? From me, my parents and their parents and who knows how far back the problem goes. So, I am trying to put a stop to the vicious cycle and its dang hard.

Then there are my dramas with my old man. No wonder they say you receive blessings from caring for your elderly because you learn to be patient, hold your tongue, appreciate things like driving away in your car, far away from your house and did I mention to learn to be patient? Is it in every parents' manual that they need have to interfere in their children's lives even when they are adults and have brains to figure things out themselves?

So I guess my point is, although I still have many a challenge, its somehow manageable knowing that there is hope at the end of the tunnel and that if I just did the basics, we will be blessed and there will always be a tomorrow where we can try again because all that is required of us is our best.