Wednesday, May 26, 2010

random


Some things I came across while cleaning my office and packing ready to leave this job.

The following verses were scribblings I found on a piece of paper next to the dress patterns above. I think these were scribbled during a lecture in 2008 when I was studying for my post grad dip. Shows how 'interesting' the lecture must have been. Hmnmnmn, think it mightve been the Monitoring and Evaluation one. hahaha.

The other two images are invitations to Nola and Celia's hen parties. Funny how cleaning and going through junk you come across so many things that remind of things..so many memories.

I liken you to jam
Sweet richness
Can be tangy
Sometimes seedy

I liken you to October
Dashes of sunshine
Bursts of bloom
Other times, some gloom

I liken you to my hair
Almost always tied up
Rarely set free
Abundant, course, wirey

Monday, May 24, 2010

Sound of Silence

Ever occur to you that our lives are full of NOISES? Bussle of traffic, radio, typing on a keyboard, television, ac hum through the vents, mouse clicking…the list goes on. What’s funny though is that our ears are so accustomed, immune if you must, to the noise we hardly notice it until its all gone. Only then do our ears become full of silence and feel so …light! Been waking up early as and its during these wee hours of the morning that I finally hear the silence. Kids fast asleep, hardly no traffic on the roads, television off…just me and my thoughts. I usually wander around my garden crushing a sisi afelika here and there and just enjoy the fresh air, the occasional moa koko e and just immerse myself in the quietness. So peaceful, so relaxing. I don’t know how else to start a great day and I don’t care if you are reading this and think im a little crazy cause my theory is: we are all borderline mental anyway!

Over and out.

Friday, March 19, 2010

starting a herb garden

Yeah, am getting domestic like that but then, ive always been like that. Im one of those people that cuts the bottoms off spring (green) onions, stick those in a cuppa water for planting 'later' and use the top parts for cooking. The later usually comes a week, two weeks or even a month after first contact! Yesterday however, I planted the green onions that have been in water since Sunday. Record time! Also stuck in the pots some mint I got given but didnt use all of. So now, going to expand a litte to some corriander and maybe some tomatoes. Better than all the weeds growing in the pots. Dunno what happened to the plants that were in there! Also had a look at thyme and rosemary. Definitely will be brining some seeds back with me from NZ.

Wouldnt mind going into some veges too. Had cucumbers before and they flowered just before I took off to have Afele and when I came back, two were yellow beyond consumption and one was just right. We had that one for lunch. Must say though those African Snails are bad. They ate all my carrots and lettuce! Going to get some stuff to kill the buggers too. Hmnmnm, shopping list growing, cash available questionable!

Friday, March 12, 2010

insomnia

As the title indicates, i had trouble sleeping and now, oh how uggly i feel. Seems as though there are constant floating sparkling lights in my vision and my body feels extra heavy. Although the latter may be due to the unhealthy lunch i just had. Ice cream and CCs. Thats how out of it I feel. Yep, blame the lack of sleep.

Anyways, got some short termers staying at one of our rentals. Had to put sheets and pillows on the beds last night before they got in. Then spent like 15 minutes toppling on a chair trying to fix the front light. I wouldnt have bothered but that particular light is vital for people to see the staircase. Dont want no tennants suing us for falling down the staircase cause the light wasnt working! Uh, wouldnt that just make my day?

Onto other news, my life sucks. Yeah, we know that one already.

So what else...? Oh yeah, we are going to NZ for 10 days in week so during my sleepless night last night, i dreamt (without sleeping) about what id buy if I had like heaps of NZ money. High chair for baby, push chair for baby, a good frying pan, some herb seeds, vegetable seeds etc etc etc.

Am really diggin that song one of the girls on American Idol sang the other night. Its called the story by Brandy Carlisle. Note: if you are reading this, please play this at my funeral. Thats how much I love this song.

Started a reading program with Maaveave. Pretty cool. A 100 lessons and your kid learns to read. Its my kinda program - results are reachable!

Thats pretty much all for now...

Thursday, March 04, 2010

testing out this iGoogle thing

Am bloggin from this new gadget the internet told me to install. Seeing how it works out...

Thursday, February 18, 2010

superstition

So last night, I dreamt of someone getting married. I woke up and the images were still very vivid in my head. My friend Nell's sister Rodania was getting married on the same day as Nola. Weired cause Nola was married in 2004 (I think). There were images of Nell, Helene, Tasha and I hopping into a car to go to the wedding.

Now, I have noticed that there is a Ve'a squeaking its freaking whistle outside somewhere.

If you are samoan, you would know what these two things mean - someone is gonna die!

Kinda weird too cause someone is always gonna die. We are all gonna die.

Oh well, thought id post up my superstitions. You know what my next post will be about: Who died.

The End.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Luana

I am so tired. I got out of bed at about 4:40am this morning so we could catch the first ferry from the bigger island back to Upolu. It wasn’t so much the early rise though that’s put my body to strain as the fact that I didn’t have much sleep at all to begin with. And then I got a massive shock hearing about a friend that’s got into a horrible accident and is now on life support. Life support that the family will be taking off shortly as her condition is dire and chances of recovery is next to nothing. Seeing the family mechanically move through the motions of funeral arrangements and what not while their eyes represent all that is shattered, all that could have been. What do you say to someone that has just had their heart wrung dry of all the tears their eyes could produce? Sorry about your loss? Somehow words like these just don’t cut it and all you could do is have your own heart bleed out with your sorrow overflowing out of your eyes for the mother, the father, the brother, the sisters, those that are her family and loved her and the rest of us that knew her and were somehow connected to her.

Life is so precious. So brittle. We know this, and yet, we go about our lives recklessly creating complexities for ourselves that seem so big and important and yet, in death, nothing else seems to matter…its al left behind. But then again, how else are we suppose to live if not the way we do? Should we simplify everything because of death? Does it mean we have to be so careful as to prolong our lives? Is the point of it all to live until we are old and grey?

Carrying this tiny life in my belly, I cant help pondering these things. As my pregnancy progresses, my plans are that this baby will be born. Somewhere along the way, he will grow up in the same world we are all in, go to school, make friends, learn to drive, eat pizza and he will get married, bear children and make me a grandmother. Im sure Adria thought these very thoughts from when she felt Luana move in her tummy. When she took her first steps, when she saw her off to her first day at school, when she took her to the doctor for a simple flu.

Someone murmured at the hospital this morning about how all the good ones seem to be taken while the bad are still alive. I couldn’t help thinking that we all go and yet, the loss that remains with those left behind could never be comprehended. One of the many complexities of being human I suppose. We hurt, we heal. Or we don’t but we keep going until it’s our time to depart and leave the hurting for others to do.

Okay, I am making myself cry here as I am writing this. Emotions going haywire with the pregnancy but oh well…adios

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Overdue movies

You can imagine how relieved I was when I walked into the video store with my three days overdue movie to find the attendant there preoccupied with sorting out some difficult issue with a customer.

Customer: “O a movies ga e overdue?”

Attendant reads out the names of movies

Customer: “Ia o aka ga a Sika ga e sau avaku i le makou account which is ga le kakau ga koe avea iai!”

Only then did I pay attention to the customer to find it was Aunty Ata trying to sort out some bill incurred by Sita! Hahahaha.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Its been so long

Yes it has. I've been away for a whole year studying and now am back to where I was. It feels like nothing has changed at all and that the last year did not happen. I am back with the same job, same people and same problems.

On the home front, the husband now works on another island. It takes 2 hours to get there on both land and sea transport. He comes every weekend but its still hard. My son is still gorgeous and is every bit a chatter box. He asks about everything and when he gets the answer, there's always a why? that follows or 'then where does it go?" He is very adorable and has started going to pre-school.

We still live with my parents and my father still gives me the same s#%t.

After the experience of 2008, I feel as though there I had so much hope and now, its back to square 1, if not back at zero. And somehow, this is taking a toll on me. Yes, I am pregnant and am supposed to be tired and sleepy but I somehow feel that this with depression...it makes it worst. I would spend a whole day in bed sleeping and still feel tired after waking. Which then results to more sleeping. Not good I would think for the health and for my son always trying to get my attention by being my ever-so faithful chatter box. I love him to bits.

Well, that is a small re-cap on where my life is right now. Would try and update this this year...wish me luck!

Monday, February 04, 2008

Novelty slowly but surely wearing off

So I have been in NZ for almost a month now. Yes, a month since I have seen my baby and that realisation took a real toll on my mental state this evening. With the cold biting my fingers and nose, it made it even worst.

A call home resulted fruitless as both my husband and son were "out" on a walk. Since when did they go for walks? Walks without me? Jealousy is a good descriptive word but does not really hit the nail in what I am trying to explain. I want to be at home.

I am growing sick of all the layers of clothing. I am getting tired of my runny and frozen nose. I cannot stand how impersonal it all seems! I am very much a people person and thrive on relationships I have with other people. I love walking down the street and meeting someone I know and having a chat with them.

I long to engulf my son in my arms and give him a hug. The feeling cannot be explained of when you feel him hug you back with as much might as his small body will allow. Its at times like these that I know I am reaping the rewards of being a mother. I miss waking up at night and wondering whether I am drowning only to find my son lying across my chest, his head resting comfortably on my belly. I can just see him with excitement spilling from his face; running as fast as he could to greet me as I come home from work. He jumps into my arms and I shower him with all the kisses I can muster while all he is interested in is what treat I have for him in my handbag.

I took two buses and train today to get to school. Total travelling time approximately 1 hour. I saw hundreds and hundreds of people being it peak time when everyone was making their way to wherever they needed to go. And it was all done in silence. Occassionally you would hear the chatter of school goers at the very rear end of the bus. Or two friends who clearly follow a routine of travelling together each morning. Never would a random person say good morning or offer help as you walk around looking for the sign that says platform V. After going back to the sign further down that says platform V with an arrow - you follow the direction given by the arrow and still - no magical appearance by platform V. You face your dilemma in silence until you get enough balls to ask someone. They help but not after they've looked you up and down to assess whether or not you would run off with their hand bag.

Its at these moments that you long for that heat to engulf you and have you prespire for no good reason at all. To have someone beep their horn and wave frantically from their car window while dodging an idiotic taxi driver slowing down unnecessarily because he spotted a potential passenger. To see a familiar face and have them stop you and ask you how you are. To be offered information just because you looked interested.

I am really beginning to miss home while I certainly and acutely miss my darling son.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

responsibility

So I have been away from my family for 16 days today. I miss them dearly but not terribly. I dont feel a yearning to see them or to hug them. I dont feel that this is a bad thing. I feel that this "time away" was something that was long overdue for my personal well-being. I have a lot of time on my hands so I do a lot of thinking. And I mean A LOT of THINKING. This surely cant be too healthy but it feels good to be able to talk to myself again. To contemplate things in my small head and tune into that sixth sense of getting the feel of things, situations and peolpe. The results are amazing! I am now a true believer of "Trust your instincts!"

This post I have headed responsibility. I guess after listening to Alanis Morisette's Perfect, I got thinking about my childhood. There are stark similarities of my childhood to this song. I guess I was always pushed to do better at school and even now, my parents, father in particular, expects me to do more. He expects me to be more like him. I find it very hard to do this as much as I want to please him and make him proud. I feel as though everyday, its a struggle for me to be me. It sometimes feel as though I am drowning in it all. And so while I am roaming the streets of Wellington taking in the possibilities, the choices, the varieties, the culture, the freedom, I cant help but appreciate my Dad, my Father. Without the shit he put me through, I dont think I could survive in this bigger world. Thanks Dad.

So I didnt really mean to go into all that but where I was going with this post I guess is parenting. Yes, PARENTING. Its a responsibility way bigger than me and just this morning, as I thought about my childhood and its woes, it again dawned on me that being a parent spells huge responsibilities. The person/people your children will become is in a big way, the result or product of your parenting. I know this isnt a new discovery nor is it rocket science. But still, it never fails to amaze me that I am now a parent and every once in a while, I wonder if I am doing a good job.

At the end of the day, I guess it comes down to whether my kid will be an axe murderer or your average, every day, crazy-once-a-while person just like I am!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Holiday Home in Samoa

Hey, if anyone is interested in visiting Samoa and wants a clean, spacious and self contained place to stay, drop us an email and we can hook you up.

Email: theresamasoe@gmail.com

or call my Dad on +685 24246 - ask for Toilolo.

Kiwi Businesswoman Blasts Toilet Man

A trip to a toilet in Apia has upset one New Zealand-based Samoan businesswoman so much; she wants to tell the world about it.

An angry Misa Emma Kesha said she would never forget the day she had an argument with ‘a toilet man.’
“I don’t want people to think that I’m a stirrer but complaints are good because they can help prompt improvement in services,” she told the Samoa Observer.

“I was in town looking around and buying postcards for friends in New Zealand,” she explained. “I always enjoy telling them about my visit home.”

However, she said she felt the urge to go.
“I forgot about the bathrooms at McDonald’s family restaurant, which I could’ve used because they’re much cooler and hassle-free,” she said.

So she ended up at the public toilets behind the Nelson Memorial Library.

“I went in to the toilet and the man in charge who was standing at the door demanded that I give him my handbag,” she explained.

“My handbag contained my passport, bank and visa cards, license and a lot of money.
“He was growling and continued to demand my handbag. I said to him if he was crazy, or if he had a brain.”

But the man insisted.

RUDE
“I couldn’t believe,” she said. “The way he demanded the bag from me was rude. So I told him, I don’t know you from a bar of soap so I don’t trust you.”

But Misa said the man’s retort shocked her.
“He said to me, you are lucky to have a toilet to use,” she recalled.

As a matai, she said the man was disrespectful and downright arrogant.

“He told me it was a policy that all handbags or bags of any kind, are kept outside. But why?
“No one has the right to tell me what to do with my handbag. I have never been treated like this in any country, only in Samoa.”

Misa said she has travelled extensively to countries like India, Singapore and New Caledonia, and has never come across such treatment.

“Is this how tourists are treated?” she asked.
“Is this the kind of attitude our people here show to returning Samoans?

“I think of myself as a tourist and as a Samoan visiting my home but if this is how Samoa is being promoted to the tourism industry, then I don’t know.

“My Tongan friend who was here for the South Pacific Games, when she returned home said “Misa your country is beautiful.”

“But this kind of attitude is ruining it.”
Misa said if the man had asked nicely, she would have understood.

“But was growling and he continued demanding that I give him my bag,” she said.

“There was nothing in that toilet to steal and they even give you sheets of toilet paper so I don’t understand the way I was treated.”

CARETAKER
Asked for a comment, one of the caretakers, Lauatea Masefou said the policy has been in place for years to minimise damage to the facility. Ms Masefou and her husband are employed to look after the facility.

“The policy stops people from damaging the facility,” said Ms Masefou.
”In the past, when me and my husband first became caretakers of the place, we had a lot of problems in restoring the facilities to a clean condition.

“The bathroom has 12 cubicles but when we came in, only four were usable because people had damaged the facility using in appropriate materials and flushing it down the toilet.

“The walls were badly damaged and there were swear words and inappropriate drawings all over the walls.

“We are always careful about who we allow in the bathroom with their bag and we don’t.

“There have been people who refuse to leave their bags outside, so they are allowed inside with them.”

In Misa’s case, she forcefully took her bag inside, she said.


It’s unfortunate for the poor toilet man behind the Nelson Library to get such bad publicity. I say unfortunate because I have always admired both him and his wife and the work that they do. This has got to be the cleanest public toilet I know in Apia. Maybe not by New Zealand standards, but certainly by our local standards.

I read this article with mixed emotions. On the one hand I understand where Ms Kesha is coming from and on the other, I totally know where my toilet man is coming from. I too would not have let go of my handbag (in the rare event that I had money in it!) but if my job was to mind 8 broken toilets and 4 that are functional, I would not give ANYONE the slightest chance to ruin the very few toilets that work.

In saying this, a small but humble advice to Ms Kesha. No, we don’t usually treat tourists like that - with rudeness and what not. Being Samoan you would know that we are friendly people. My toilet man is only human and must have had a bad day. Minding toilets in Samoa where cleaning products are expensive and plumbers are hard to come by, please give him a break. Visit another public toilet and then you will understand where I am coming from. Mr. Toilet Man behind the Nelson Library is doing a wonderful job. He even lives there because he wants to give our public clean toilets. How is that for commitment?

To my toilet man behind the Nelson Library - malo lava le tauatai. E le faigofie lau galuega. You are appreciated and you can take my handbag any day even if you were a bar of soap and I will not be worried because I know where you live!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Tattooist

Great movie. Liked the plot and enjoyed the holywood-ing of our pe'a ceremony. But kinda squirmed in my seat when I heard the nz-borns try to speak Samoan. Whoever wrote that script shoulda repplaced all the t's with k's to give a more natural curve. Oh well. It was made for the palagis anyway. Guess I wasnt supposed to understand the Samoan words.

Watching this movie in Samoa in a theatre full of Samoans is another experience. Probably why I enjoyed myself so much. Well, other than the fact of Jason Behr...oka se aulelei o le jama. But that is something else...But the Samoan humor...People dying brought waves of laughter from the audience. Jason Behr's attempts to woo Sina were easily muted by the polos in the back row snickering and giggling.

Se malo lava le fai mea pepelo.

Howdy howdy

So the feeling has returned to publish some thoughts here especially following the great excitement of the Nation-wide Tsunami Drill yesterday....

I dressed specifically in shorts, t-shirt and jandals for the occasion. In no way was I going to run up Mt Vaea in a skirt and the "gilas". But I was not like to fall over while the masses made their way to higher ground....like i saw some do rather unfashionably! Can you believe some idiots dragged their stilettos all the way to the prayer house and back? On tar seal? All I can say is, you woulda gotten a great work-out at the expense of not only your feet but those beautiful heels.

To some extent, seeing the corporate community make an effort to make the drill a success warmed my heart. Eventhough the sun was hot enough to fry our brains, the sight of the average overweight samoan huffing and puffing to make it up the hill somehow made the distance easier.

Of course there was the occasional fia malie that decided to scream "help" at the midst of our efforts to put one foot in front of the other. It did give us a good opportunity to stop for a bit of air and to laugh.

The drill did upset our work schedule for the rest of the day but hey, Im not complaining.

I got caught afterwards in a discussion involving blisters that resulted in very loud and samoan eruptions of laughter. You can easily guess what this discussion was about IF and only IF you are Samoan. Dont you love our humour? We can make some painful experience very funny. And private parts very public for that matter.

Only in Samoa.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

runaway chicken

At the tip of everyone's tongue are the letters SPG im sure.
But between my teeth is chicken threatening to grow legs
And run back to the box where it came from.
Say no to unprotected sex and food poisoning.
Faamolemole, we dont have any pepto.
The laukuava will do thank you.

Bottled water or how about a bottled coke?
Not the maka'eka'e bottle, its now a plastic fagu
And you have to plant a tree after every mouthful.
Because being a winner is to being a binner
Or is it bin it, win it. Se kailo se.

Im gonna jump for the gold, im gonna run for the gold.
Nevermind the sore back there from the swan
I'll remember johnson and johsson soft wipes
Or maybe e best ai lava fu'afu'a leaf
Tupu le vevesi oga o le faiga a le runaway chicken

Friday, April 20, 2007

So! its been a while...

I make no apologies for why I havent been updating as I cant even remember what my excuse is/was except that of being lazy (and that excuse is just so overused!)

So ANYWAYS...on to other things...this morning I was cordially alerted about a letter to the editor in the paper concerning our Ministry. As soon as I got my hands on the paper, I read the article out loud (as it was in Samoan) to my co-workers afterwhich we conducted a very interesting and hot debate on how this Ministry should be run. Now because I value my job, I will not go into the details for fear of getting FIRED but lets just say that my personal comment to the person that wrote to the paper is "YOU GO GIRL (OR MAN!), whoever you are!" Its about time someone brought out into the open what is really cooking deep within our bureaucracy and it aint steak with mash potatoes if you ask me.

Im gonna be real cheap and end this post here because I have a meeting right now. Gotta go prep so I wouldnt look like a dumb idiot during the meeting...

Adios

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Conversations with my psyche

Yesterday, I just bought 8 packets of M&Ms from Amau. I was amazed at my psychic powers because I heard clearly in my head what the check-out girl was thinking, “and THIS is why you are not a size 10 like me” I turned around just to make sure that no one actually said this out loud. And also to make sure that no one else spotted me getting the 8 packets. Actually, I didn’t really care if anyone saw me. Because my own psyche was telling me not to care. Its not all for you anyway. And that check-out girl? She’s got eyes the size of Savaii. That is so unattractive. Maybe on some but not on a horse-lookalike.

Out of the eight packets, I had about 5 M&Ms. Six went to Cam, one to Andrew and the rest either went to John or Ave.

They are so greedy.

But I guess Im just bitter cause I only HAD FIVE! And I want some NOW!

It’s a beautiful day.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

when the hype is on

Afraid of the usual disappointment, I didnt bother to watch the finals of the Wellington 7's where our team was facing the Fiji team. I am also a bit superstitious and thought maybe I was bad luck and maybe if I didnt watch the game they would win. And they did. I watched what must have been the 3rd replay of the games a few days later and must say, our boys did really well. A win well deserved and playing with their hearts giving their all for their country. Malo lava!

The big win was on Friday night. It gave a good reason for the whole country to go up in celebration. Im sure Vailima brewries made a killing.

On Saturday, the final for the Oceania Volleyball Tournament held at Tuanaimato again saw Samoa facing New Zealand for both the men and women's teams. I happened by the games at just the right moment by accident. My cousin and I were going for a walk when we passed the gymnasium and decided to go in and see what was happening.

The finals of the women's teams were playing. NZ vs Samoa. Judging from the look of things, we stood no chance. The NZ team not only had a proper uniform, they were tall, toned and looked fit. Our team, well, not so much. It was a close game during the second set. That left the last set to decide the winner. Once more I was surprised that we had won! All the more adding to the excitement.

The boys were playing NZ next and again, we won. Yay! It was also a win well deserved and well played for both teams. I can imagine that the hype from the rugby must have added that little bit of confidence that is contributing to our improved performance. I think that maybe this year will be a good year for us in sports especially with the SPG coming up. Finally we can show the south pacific if not the world, that we can do it when our hearts are in there.

Monday, January 22, 2007

The Calm Before the Storm

I've been highly cautious if not highly bothered by the weather lately and the sight outside today is a perfect picture to describe the "The Calm Before the Storm." You can hear a stone drop. The sea is calm and the coconut trees that are usually pretty against the seawall loom like they too are listening and awaiting what is to come. The sky is overcast with a tint of purple lining the horizon and adding to the overall gloom of the day. The air feels heavy and the ground is wet and soggy.

Prayers that we dont get a cyclone this season.